People, People, People…all around us. We want them and run away from them too. Most of our lives are spent or invested in relationships. Right form the time we are born till we claim our coffins, relationships with other human beings always surround us. Love them or hate them, you cannot do without them. There are various reasons why we have relationships with people. The relationships we seek satisfy some of our needs and desires. These needs can be broadly categorized into physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. Physical needs are well known to all. Emotional needs are that of warmth, affection, appreciation, acceptance, security etc. Mental needs could be of intellectual stimulation, discerning rights and wrongs etc. Spiritual needs could be that of seeking harmony with life, a positive outlook, need for oneness etc.
Based out of these needs and may be more, we seek relationships. Subconsciously, each one of us has clearly defined criteria of accepting and rejecting prospective candidates into that mould or framework we are looking for. Just like a kitchen recipe, we all know at the bottom of our hearts that how much of which ingredient we need in our life. As per our conditioning and scripting, we attract the kind of people who will add the required spice to get the perfect flavour in our lives.
I believe that it is from the most intimate relationships that we learn the most. Many of us derive our sense of being from these relationships. In my view, an intimate relationship is one where you are not required to be someone else but your own self. Your Self, is not threatened here. It feels 100%. Unfortunately, there is a lot of homework and investment that goes into the development of this kind of intimacy. In order to feel that sense of security, you will first be challenged whether you need to share your feelings/ emotions/ fears which for many years were covered by a protected shell known as “private self”. It is only when you can learn to open up without fear that you can enjoy the relationship. This definitely works on a tacit assumption that your partner appreciates your opening up. Each one of us decides what we should and shouldn’t share with our partners. The opening up requires courage and a deep sense of security in oneself. It requires courage because you need to move out of your comfort zone and start walking inward with your partner. You take chances of being “misunderstood”. The entire process makes you vulnerable. It is for these reasons that we carefully choose the people to whom we open up with and bare ourselves.
The irony here is that we seek closeness/ intimacy in relationships and escape from them for the same reason. Every person has defined the limit till where he will tolerate another person. The feeling of Oneness which is sought through sex never goes beyond that, for, we cannot shed the clothes of mental make up that we wear. The intimacy we seek is like getting naked each time you open up to somebody. Shedding off these physical garments is much easier than taking off the layers of one’s deep rooted desires, thoughts, insecurities and needs. Taking from the analogy of a recipe, the best cuisines are those in which all the spices lose their individual flavours to make one delicious serving. The paradox in it is that they lose themselves but are always remembered, for, the final outcome wouldn’t be possible if they weren’t there. It is this losing of our self which we fear and never open up even to some beautiful angels who cross our paths. We are more concerned about the momentary vulnerability of unclothing ourselves than the gains that one finds by merging into the parts of the other. We choose to settle for less by taking minimal risks.
To quote an example here: A friend of mine lost his first love in an accident. He married an individual who did not meet him at all planes and he never grew out of his first love. A decade after his successful marriage and being blessed with a child, he felt the gap in him growing and fell for a girl who possibly met those unfulfilled needs. His passions and love which were locked till now started opening with the warmth of this new relationship. Nevertheless, having protected a part of him for so many years, he could not give himself completely to the relationship and named the growing distance as “personal space”. It was the growing intimacy that possibly threatened him and forced him to keep away to safeguard his pride and responsibilities. He knew what he was missing in life and hence was afraid to handle it when he received it.
Being yourself does not mean you never change. The “I” constantly needs to be renewed through a process of learning and unlearning. Quoting from nature, it is the mighty looking trees that are forced to break in a storm and the feeble yet agile grass survives it. The rigors of any intimate relationship provide a good basis for this constant renewal process. Human beings are known to learn more through pain than through pleasure. Intimacy has the capacity to transcend that pain into an enjoyable experience. Unless, we give ourselves completely into any activity or relationship we cannot gain the maximum.
We go on accumulating skills, degrees and qualifications but hardly ever take our learnings from the school of relationships. Not many of us know why we do what we do, likewise, even this aspect of our lives i.e. the ingredients we seek in our recipe of life, remain a victim at the hands of our awareness of ourselves.
Hence, the threads of intimacy become the threats of intimacy.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Sunday, September 16, 2007
She..my reason to be.
She…my reason to be
..is the one who is always besides me
through the thick & thin, through good & bad
..is the one knows me with my flaws
but accepts me unconditionally
..is the one who quietly supports me
& is my inner strength that keeps me going
..is the one with whom I spend the least of my time
without whom I wouldn’t be where I am.
She is My Partner, My Smile,My Chi…
..is the one who is always besides me
through the thick & thin, through good & bad
..is the one knows me with my flaws
but accepts me unconditionally
..is the one who quietly supports me
& is my inner strength that keeps me going
..is the one with whom I spend the least of my time
without whom I wouldn’t be where I am.
She is My Partner, My Smile,My Chi…
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Miles to Go Before I Sleep
Miles to go before I Sleep...
Bidding Adieu has never been easy,
For, there are strings of moments attached.
Moments, when you were frustrated and no one heard
Moments, when you wanted to do something but couldn’t.
Moments, when you were joyous and felt the whole universe in your palm
Moments, when you were uncertain but guided people through the paths you had trailed..
Amidst a desert, you find an oasis
…when you were thirsty and a colleague fetched you water…
…when you were lonely and a peer held your hand…
The Journey seemed to have twisted roads, but,
Smiling your way through it, never let you bend.
Courage to stand up for what one believes in is rare to find
Just have faith in yourself and Life will be a treat till the end…
Difficulties, whenever you face, close your eyes and feel your heart say..
“Miles to Go before I Sleep”
For, it’s always the Journey that defines you, than the destination you have reached…
Bidding Adieu has never been easy,
For, there are strings of moments attached.
Moments, when you were frustrated and no one heard
Moments, when you wanted to do something but couldn’t.
Moments, when you were joyous and felt the whole universe in your palm
Moments, when you were uncertain but guided people through the paths you had trailed..
Amidst a desert, you find an oasis
…when you were thirsty and a colleague fetched you water…
…when you were lonely and a peer held your hand…
The Journey seemed to have twisted roads, but,
Smiling your way through it, never let you bend.
Courage to stand up for what one believes in is rare to find
Just have faith in yourself and Life will be a treat till the end…
Difficulties, whenever you face, close your eyes and feel your heart say..
“Miles to Go before I Sleep”
For, it’s always the Journey that defines you, than the destination you have reached…
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Do not know what the last four seasons have done to me
The winds of Life are trying me, my vigor, my verve
Just until the last summer, I could give enliven a morbid soul
Do not know what the last four seasons have done to me…
Friends say my eyes were a window to the universe, not so long ago,
The twinkle in my eyes has been washed away with the dust I guess
Do not know what the last four seasons have done to me…
Is it Mid Life Crisis? Such terms I do not believe in thou,
My well wishers make me feel worn out; tired I get, too fast
Do not know what the last four seasons have done to me…
My Spirit is meant to Live, is something I know,
Then why do I drive my soul mates away when they try to bring a cheer in my routine?
Do not know what the last four seasons have done to me…
Busy I have become with the Excel Sheets and House Laundry,
Left far behind are times of solitudinal bliss in the lap of nature,
Do not know what the last four seasons have done to me…
I take pride in admitting my deafness to the language of my heart,
Some say successful people do not have time to listen to their own voice…I did..
Do not know what the last four seasons have done to me…
Awaiting the end of this Wait; to rejuvenate the Red in my veins,
I know I will, for I am HIS Chosen one, but the time is too trying
Do not know what the last four seasons have done to me…
Wish to lean on her shoulder, cry out , breathe the fresh air once again
Hope she comes my way without making me say so…
…Do not know what the last four seasons have done to me…
Just until the last summer, I could give enliven a morbid soul
Do not know what the last four seasons have done to me…
Friends say my eyes were a window to the universe, not so long ago,
The twinkle in my eyes has been washed away with the dust I guess
Do not know what the last four seasons have done to me…
Is it Mid Life Crisis? Such terms I do not believe in thou,
My well wishers make me feel worn out; tired I get, too fast
Do not know what the last four seasons have done to me…
My Spirit is meant to Live, is something I know,
Then why do I drive my soul mates away when they try to bring a cheer in my routine?
Do not know what the last four seasons have done to me…
Busy I have become with the Excel Sheets and House Laundry,
Left far behind are times of solitudinal bliss in the lap of nature,
Do not know what the last four seasons have done to me…
I take pride in admitting my deafness to the language of my heart,
Some say successful people do not have time to listen to their own voice…I did..
Do not know what the last four seasons have done to me…
Awaiting the end of this Wait; to rejuvenate the Red in my veins,
I know I will, for I am HIS Chosen one, but the time is too trying
Do not know what the last four seasons have done to me…
Wish to lean on her shoulder, cry out , breathe the fresh air once again
Hope she comes my way without making me say so…
…Do not know what the last four seasons have done to me…
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Would you work even if no one paid you for it?
Work is Worship, Work gives me satisfaction…Work = life for me, I would be nothing if not for my work. All these statements intrigue me. Read ahead for some observations and findings.
Since ancient times now, human beings have been “working”. Some have a reason to work, some invent one and some are blissful in not having one. Reason or nor reason, we work. Be it a housewife at home, an entrepreneur who creates his own work, an artist whose expression becomes his work, an employee who works for someone etc etc…What exactly makes a human being want to work or have to work? Is it money? May be not, for, in the times of barter too, we did carry out some activities which were not necessarily for any commercial gains. It was more of need based exchange of goods and services. If it were simply for rupees or dollars that we work today, why do we dread the thought of being paid a hefty sum for non occupation? With due respect to the exceptions who are capable of digesting unearned salaries. Having said that, our need to work is not necessarily linked to money. Money or no money, we would surely engage ourselves in some kind of activity.
Literally, work means a set of activities that all of us engage in at some of point of time or for a period of time. A Need is intrinsic and basic in nature, the fulfillment of which gives us a sense of satisfaction. For example, food and water satisfy our basic needs of hunger and thirst. It is only when these are left unfulfilled that we realize how primary they are to one’s existence. Assuming that Irrespective of the existence of Money, we would like to engage in some activity, “working” or being engaged possibly leads to fulfillment of some basic need in a human being. Let’s now try and understand what that basic need in us is.
Each one of us is a bundle of energy captured in a particular form. I do not know much of science but know that energy is not meant to be lying idle, rather cannot be idle. The fundamental characteristic of energy is that it gets transformed. Even if we choose not to move physically, mental energy is in action. This energy needs to be channelised. It is like generating electricity through channelizing water in a river stream. Although apparently, a river stream may look calm or in some cases even idle, there is a lot of activity that goes on inside it. The process of channelization also gets coloured depending on the circumstances in which we are planted. It either takes a negative or a positive connotation. For example, the bundle of energy is possibly the same when we are born but our childhood, schooling, friends and parents all through a process of conditioning, carve a channel for that energy. We often, say that a man is better known by the company that he keeps. This helps us understand that by and large, a person born amongst goons might become one or a teacher’s child would possibly first think of teaching. This is purely to be seen as an example for the effect the circumstances can have on us. Further to this, the element of choice also helps us transform the energy within us or to move it to positivity. The person born into poverty may choose to educate himself and grow up to be a learned man against all odds or you may juxtapose this situation with that of a child born to a wealthy businessman who grows up to be a wastrel. Hence, we know that there is some energy within all of us which always looks for an outlet.
For simpler understanding, we can categorize this energy as positive or negative depending on the activity for which it is used or the effect that it has. In absolute terms, positive energy is one that creates and negative energy would be one that destroys (for a moment, lets set aside, the creation that is possible through destruction). In essence, both involve expression. The energy within gets manifested in the form of the expression.
Every human being is said to manifest through him, a certain set of intentions which belong to the entire cosmos. It is like a subset of the universe. The ingredients that form part of each bundle of energy may be the same but differ in proportions and hence manifested differently with different intensities and focus. An example for this could be the five elements that constitute our body. The elements are the same but each body and the system inside are different. Having the same base elements, some bodies are dark, light, heavy, long, short, etc. In case of bodies, genes play an important role in creating a unique body, similarly, the situations/circumstances that one is brought up in shapes up his choice of “energy expression” which could be to create or to destroy. Also, as mentioned above, the intensity of or the focus of the “energy elements” or set of intentions that one would manifest differs from person to person. It is the dominance of one these elements that defines your intrinsic need to “do something” and leave the rest of the elements or intentions available to you. Hence, we find that some people have a natural inclination towards Arts/Sports/Academics/Commerce etc. It is this part of your natural being that looks for an outlet over a period of years.
The energy within brings out a need to transform itself into some other form and therefore a human being finds purpose in engaging himself in some form of activity. It is this energy in each one of us that needs an expression and makes us work. Hence, money or no money, a human being will always be involved in some activity and keep this energy engaged, for, this precious energy cannot be wasted.
One level higher, people who are able to find their respective focus are the people who derive joy out of their work. With a little bit of search within, one can know what is it that makes him come alive and what makes him listless.
Since ancient times now, human beings have been “working”. Some have a reason to work, some invent one and some are blissful in not having one. Reason or nor reason, we work. Be it a housewife at home, an entrepreneur who creates his own work, an artist whose expression becomes his work, an employee who works for someone etc etc…What exactly makes a human being want to work or have to work? Is it money? May be not, for, in the times of barter too, we did carry out some activities which were not necessarily for any commercial gains. It was more of need based exchange of goods and services. If it were simply for rupees or dollars that we work today, why do we dread the thought of being paid a hefty sum for non occupation? With due respect to the exceptions who are capable of digesting unearned salaries. Having said that, our need to work is not necessarily linked to money. Money or no money, we would surely engage ourselves in some kind of activity.
Literally, work means a set of activities that all of us engage in at some of point of time or for a period of time. A Need is intrinsic and basic in nature, the fulfillment of which gives us a sense of satisfaction. For example, food and water satisfy our basic needs of hunger and thirst. It is only when these are left unfulfilled that we realize how primary they are to one’s existence. Assuming that Irrespective of the existence of Money, we would like to engage in some activity, “working” or being engaged possibly leads to fulfillment of some basic need in a human being. Let’s now try and understand what that basic need in us is.
Each one of us is a bundle of energy captured in a particular form. I do not know much of science but know that energy is not meant to be lying idle, rather cannot be idle. The fundamental characteristic of energy is that it gets transformed. Even if we choose not to move physically, mental energy is in action. This energy needs to be channelised. It is like generating electricity through channelizing water in a river stream. Although apparently, a river stream may look calm or in some cases even idle, there is a lot of activity that goes on inside it. The process of channelization also gets coloured depending on the circumstances in which we are planted. It either takes a negative or a positive connotation. For example, the bundle of energy is possibly the same when we are born but our childhood, schooling, friends and parents all through a process of conditioning, carve a channel for that energy. We often, say that a man is better known by the company that he keeps. This helps us understand that by and large, a person born amongst goons might become one or a teacher’s child would possibly first think of teaching. This is purely to be seen as an example for the effect the circumstances can have on us. Further to this, the element of choice also helps us transform the energy within us or to move it to positivity. The person born into poverty may choose to educate himself and grow up to be a learned man against all odds or you may juxtapose this situation with that of a child born to a wealthy businessman who grows up to be a wastrel. Hence, we know that there is some energy within all of us which always looks for an outlet.
For simpler understanding, we can categorize this energy as positive or negative depending on the activity for which it is used or the effect that it has. In absolute terms, positive energy is one that creates and negative energy would be one that destroys (for a moment, lets set aside, the creation that is possible through destruction). In essence, both involve expression. The energy within gets manifested in the form of the expression.
Every human being is said to manifest through him, a certain set of intentions which belong to the entire cosmos. It is like a subset of the universe. The ingredients that form part of each bundle of energy may be the same but differ in proportions and hence manifested differently with different intensities and focus. An example for this could be the five elements that constitute our body. The elements are the same but each body and the system inside are different. Having the same base elements, some bodies are dark, light, heavy, long, short, etc. In case of bodies, genes play an important role in creating a unique body, similarly, the situations/circumstances that one is brought up in shapes up his choice of “energy expression” which could be to create or to destroy. Also, as mentioned above, the intensity of or the focus of the “energy elements” or set of intentions that one would manifest differs from person to person. It is the dominance of one these elements that defines your intrinsic need to “do something” and leave the rest of the elements or intentions available to you. Hence, we find that some people have a natural inclination towards Arts/Sports/Academics/Commerce etc. It is this part of your natural being that looks for an outlet over a period of years.
The energy within brings out a need to transform itself into some other form and therefore a human being finds purpose in engaging himself in some form of activity. It is this energy in each one of us that needs an expression and makes us work. Hence, money or no money, a human being will always be involved in some activity and keep this energy engaged, for, this precious energy cannot be wasted.
One level higher, people who are able to find their respective focus are the people who derive joy out of their work. With a little bit of search within, one can know what is it that makes him come alive and what makes him listless.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
When You Love Someone...
Love is one of the most universal emotions we experience. Different cultures, ages, periods, geographies but this is one emotion that is like the air that is always there. For the most fundamental reason that human beings are the same essentially but may be just packaged and conditioned a bit differently having born and brought up on a different mud. Even though it is one of the most universal emotions, it is also one of the most diverse in its expression. Or may be interpretation of the same emotion changes by the equation the two people involved in it and experiencing it share. For most or many of us the understanding that is provided to us of Love is most likely equated to the act of possession. For example- When you love someone or someone loves you, he becomes yours and vice versa. There are many interpretations to this expression too. It is exercising a right that you feel on that individual’s life. You want to know all that happens in his life. The purest intention that supports this is the feeling that you want to be a part of everything that happens in his life. You feel like sharing it , for , you are concerned about him and also want to protect him from anything bad that could happen.
As much as these intentions are pure, their manifestations take a toll in our lives if we completely give into them. It gives rise to an expectation that, the person whom you love should always be in touch with you and keep informing you of all happenings. In today’s tech savvy world, may be one is expected to atleast keep messaging if not calling every one hour. As long as the statistics of the calls is maintained, all is fine but when it changes for any genuine reason, one is accused of losing interest in the relationship and we throw up words like-“ You don’t love me as much as you did”, “ the madness has faded away”. The concern assumes lesser importance than the number of calls of messages exchanged. May be somewhere we live with unrealistic notions that the honeymoon period will always stay, the time when you traveled hours just to meet your beloved once or maybe called up 50 times a day. May be we need to understand that as time passes the relationship matures, needs change and what was earlier communicated by 50 calls, just takes the glance of an eye today.
Someone very truly recognized that change is the only constant in life and that we must learn to love like flowing stream of water …adapting itself yet maintaining itself. Whenever you feel that loss of harmony in you , may be it would be a good idea to sit down and take a check, understand what is happening inside you. More often than not, you will realize that sometimes we crib because we do not know another way of responding to a situation and possibly lack the required time to invest in the activity. For example: You had planned a date 15 days in advance but due to some unforeseen circumstances, it cannot happen. What do you do? As humans, our first reaction will be to complain, to crib, to try and pull it on anyways. When this happens, may be we could just silence ourselves for a moment, acknowledge what is happening inside and choose to respond in a more beautiful manner. Tough, it is but once you make up your mind to choose happiness in a relationship then there can be no stopping. It is an addiction and mind you, a good one indeed.
From my brief understanding of this oceanic emotion, I understand that it is meant to give life and not snatch it away from someone. It is meant to give happiness and not take it away. Many a times in the name of love, we give a lot of pain to the person involved because he possibly does not act the way we want him to. Loving someone does not give you an authority to command him to change or mould as per your wishes. At times when we are unhappy with a certain behavior of the person, we need to understand that WE are unhappy with the behavior and the behavior per se may or may not be wrong. For instance, you may expect him to take you for a candle light dinner every week and you feel dejected if he does not. In response, you do not talk to him for days to come but never even let him know what disturbs you , for you want him to guess it from the tone of your voiceJ Come on, just take a break from yourself!
Sometimes it is fun to register the emotions we fall prey to. More often than not, you will laugh at yourself and make things easier for you and the people around you…All the best buddy!
Note: The use of “He/Him” here substitutes for “She/Her” too.
As much as these intentions are pure, their manifestations take a toll in our lives if we completely give into them. It gives rise to an expectation that, the person whom you love should always be in touch with you and keep informing you of all happenings. In today’s tech savvy world, may be one is expected to atleast keep messaging if not calling every one hour. As long as the statistics of the calls is maintained, all is fine but when it changes for any genuine reason, one is accused of losing interest in the relationship and we throw up words like-“ You don’t love me as much as you did”, “ the madness has faded away”. The concern assumes lesser importance than the number of calls of messages exchanged. May be somewhere we live with unrealistic notions that the honeymoon period will always stay, the time when you traveled hours just to meet your beloved once or maybe called up 50 times a day. May be we need to understand that as time passes the relationship matures, needs change and what was earlier communicated by 50 calls, just takes the glance of an eye today.
Someone very truly recognized that change is the only constant in life and that we must learn to love like flowing stream of water …adapting itself yet maintaining itself. Whenever you feel that loss of harmony in you , may be it would be a good idea to sit down and take a check, understand what is happening inside you. More often than not, you will realize that sometimes we crib because we do not know another way of responding to a situation and possibly lack the required time to invest in the activity. For example: You had planned a date 15 days in advance but due to some unforeseen circumstances, it cannot happen. What do you do? As humans, our first reaction will be to complain, to crib, to try and pull it on anyways. When this happens, may be we could just silence ourselves for a moment, acknowledge what is happening inside and choose to respond in a more beautiful manner. Tough, it is but once you make up your mind to choose happiness in a relationship then there can be no stopping. It is an addiction and mind you, a good one indeed.
From my brief understanding of this oceanic emotion, I understand that it is meant to give life and not snatch it away from someone. It is meant to give happiness and not take it away. Many a times in the name of love, we give a lot of pain to the person involved because he possibly does not act the way we want him to. Loving someone does not give you an authority to command him to change or mould as per your wishes. At times when we are unhappy with a certain behavior of the person, we need to understand that WE are unhappy with the behavior and the behavior per se may or may not be wrong. For instance, you may expect him to take you for a candle light dinner every week and you feel dejected if he does not. In response, you do not talk to him for days to come but never even let him know what disturbs you , for you want him to guess it from the tone of your voiceJ Come on, just take a break from yourself!
Sometimes it is fun to register the emotions we fall prey to. More often than not, you will laugh at yourself and make things easier for you and the people around you…All the best buddy!
Note: The use of “He/Him” here substitutes for “She/Her” too.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Is your mind wearing a blanket? Figure it out…
Picture this.
You are new to a city. Work gets you there and you commute hours each day to reach home from office and back. You are walking in a suburban crossway. You pass by the same person, a stranger everyday. You simply happen to develop a liking for him out of the want for familiarity and routine. The tenth next time you meet him, you get acquainted with each other. Your conversations being restricted to – “Hi, How is work?, family?, weather?...the current affairs and the likes of it.” . On one of these days, you are pale and fall flat on the ground when luckily this someone is around and helps you to reach home, go to a doctor. He understands that you live alone and hence do not have anybody to take care of you. He is humane enough and visits you everyday taking care of your medicines and your meals. He sees you through and is just a call away when you are in need. In all the conversations you have had with him till now, you have been general and maintained a superficial level. But you are thankful to him for all the extra pain he has taken and been with you. Sub consciously somewhere within you, you begin trusting him and start opening up yourself. Within a few days, you develop a camaraderie of years that any two human beings are worthy of sharing.
One fine day, you understand that your pal for the last one month is not that normal as you thought him to be. He is a homosexual or may be a person nursing HIV or simply from a caste or religion that you have been conditioned since childhood, not to trust (for example you could be a Hindu and have been taught not to trust a Muslim). It is not that he hid the fact from you, but the fact remains that in the time you spent with each other it seemed almost immaterial or irrelevant to know this. Both of you enjoy the company of each other and that’s that. Does your outlook to the person change by the mere fact that nature has bestowed him with either a different sexual preference or that he is born into a religion which is today substituted (wrongly though) with terrorism or that he picked up a dreading virus while he was donating blood to a needy?
What happens to you? Do you choose to let these notions built by someone else to overrule you? You have no fact or no incident to prove that your association with him has been harmful in any manner. Do you choose to stay within a blanket of beliefs which are not your own?
Just as any normal human being (as we like to address ourselves when we wish to express our joy in our incapability of making our own decisions) would do, you would probably accuse him of having hidden a life changing fact. What is this convenient difference that we create when we discover some facts as mentioned above? The above mentioned facts are still a bit drastic, what happens when we discover that one of our friends who is married, has fallen in love all over again? As much as such a person and the other adult involved know what they are doing, the people around them exhibit more concern by shrinking away from them.
In most of the cases that I come across wherein people wear these convenience blankets , people has chosen the easier way out of not seeing each person in objectivity but through coloured lenses of either social stigma or peer/parental pressure. In their own hearts, they know that nothing is much greater than humanity but yes, it also calls for challenging the paradigms that have been set in through the conditioning given to us over the years.
It ain’t a person’s fault if he happens to acquire a virus( unless of course he was aware and has chosen to perform certain acts which could lead to this), or if he has a sexual preference that we fail to acknowledge or if he is born to a religion that we have given names and labeled as untrustworthy. It is our denial somewhere inside to accept some part of ourselves that gets projected in rejection externally.
What prompted me to write this, was the sheer frivolousness and the casual approach with which we acquire rights to deny an individual his own rights to lead a life that he wishes to in his or her own way. Many a time, it comes out of our need to protect our own self and we create such defenses or adopt the ones already existing. To protect yourself from your own insecurities is fair but forcing your views on someone else (simply to have a group of people agree to you) aint fair to nature. I fail to understand what changes in your relationship with a friend when you discover that any of the above holds true. The person remains the same, may be our thoughts about the person change. Just as I write this, I am reminded of a saying “Most people are other people…” who live by the thoughts planted in them by someone else (not saying good or bad). Generalizations/ generalizing and projections based on these have become a favourite pastime with many of us today.
Not that I have been blessed with a conditioning that has taught me this, even my parents brother/ friends have some of these beliefs in them which they tried to influence me with. For some reasons whatsoever, I managed to challenge such thoughts when they occurred to me and move beyond them. If I cannot accept something in someone, it is my incapacity to take it in and not the other person’s fault for being the way he is. Some basic questions here would be…When was the last time you were misunderstood and how did you feel when nobody listened to you? What are the chances that your colleague working with your for years decides to move away from you knowing that you or your family member has AIDS? How would you feel if you were softly denied employment on the premise that the caste/ religion that you belong to are not well accepted? When we talk of Unity in Diversity, it is all these kinds of diversities that we need to learn to deal with and rise above them.
It is this, which we do with many people around us who seem to have acquired some situations which are perceived as being different from normal. I am not here to propagate any thing, but just to make you question yourself, the next time you are in such a situation and your mind wants to wear a blanket!
You are new to a city. Work gets you there and you commute hours each day to reach home from office and back. You are walking in a suburban crossway. You pass by the same person, a stranger everyday. You simply happen to develop a liking for him out of the want for familiarity and routine. The tenth next time you meet him, you get acquainted with each other. Your conversations being restricted to – “Hi, How is work?, family?, weather?...the current affairs and the likes of it.” . On one of these days, you are pale and fall flat on the ground when luckily this someone is around and helps you to reach home, go to a doctor. He understands that you live alone and hence do not have anybody to take care of you. He is humane enough and visits you everyday taking care of your medicines and your meals. He sees you through and is just a call away when you are in need. In all the conversations you have had with him till now, you have been general and maintained a superficial level. But you are thankful to him for all the extra pain he has taken and been with you. Sub consciously somewhere within you, you begin trusting him and start opening up yourself. Within a few days, you develop a camaraderie of years that any two human beings are worthy of sharing.
One fine day, you understand that your pal for the last one month is not that normal as you thought him to be. He is a homosexual or may be a person nursing HIV or simply from a caste or religion that you have been conditioned since childhood, not to trust (for example you could be a Hindu and have been taught not to trust a Muslim). It is not that he hid the fact from you, but the fact remains that in the time you spent with each other it seemed almost immaterial or irrelevant to know this. Both of you enjoy the company of each other and that’s that. Does your outlook to the person change by the mere fact that nature has bestowed him with either a different sexual preference or that he is born into a religion which is today substituted (wrongly though) with terrorism or that he picked up a dreading virus while he was donating blood to a needy?
What happens to you? Do you choose to let these notions built by someone else to overrule you? You have no fact or no incident to prove that your association with him has been harmful in any manner. Do you choose to stay within a blanket of beliefs which are not your own?
Just as any normal human being (as we like to address ourselves when we wish to express our joy in our incapability of making our own decisions) would do, you would probably accuse him of having hidden a life changing fact. What is this convenient difference that we create when we discover some facts as mentioned above? The above mentioned facts are still a bit drastic, what happens when we discover that one of our friends who is married, has fallen in love all over again? As much as such a person and the other adult involved know what they are doing, the people around them exhibit more concern by shrinking away from them.
In most of the cases that I come across wherein people wear these convenience blankets , people has chosen the easier way out of not seeing each person in objectivity but through coloured lenses of either social stigma or peer/parental pressure. In their own hearts, they know that nothing is much greater than humanity but yes, it also calls for challenging the paradigms that have been set in through the conditioning given to us over the years.
It ain’t a person’s fault if he happens to acquire a virus( unless of course he was aware and has chosen to perform certain acts which could lead to this), or if he has a sexual preference that we fail to acknowledge or if he is born to a religion that we have given names and labeled as untrustworthy. It is our denial somewhere inside to accept some part of ourselves that gets projected in rejection externally.
What prompted me to write this, was the sheer frivolousness and the casual approach with which we acquire rights to deny an individual his own rights to lead a life that he wishes to in his or her own way. Many a time, it comes out of our need to protect our own self and we create such defenses or adopt the ones already existing. To protect yourself from your own insecurities is fair but forcing your views on someone else (simply to have a group of people agree to you) aint fair to nature. I fail to understand what changes in your relationship with a friend when you discover that any of the above holds true. The person remains the same, may be our thoughts about the person change. Just as I write this, I am reminded of a saying “Most people are other people…” who live by the thoughts planted in them by someone else (not saying good or bad). Generalizations/ generalizing and projections based on these have become a favourite pastime with many of us today.
Not that I have been blessed with a conditioning that has taught me this, even my parents brother/ friends have some of these beliefs in them which they tried to influence me with. For some reasons whatsoever, I managed to challenge such thoughts when they occurred to me and move beyond them. If I cannot accept something in someone, it is my incapacity to take it in and not the other person’s fault for being the way he is. Some basic questions here would be…When was the last time you were misunderstood and how did you feel when nobody listened to you? What are the chances that your colleague working with your for years decides to move away from you knowing that you or your family member has AIDS? How would you feel if you were softly denied employment on the premise that the caste/ religion that you belong to are not well accepted? When we talk of Unity in Diversity, it is all these kinds of diversities that we need to learn to deal with and rise above them.
It is this, which we do with many people around us who seem to have acquired some situations which are perceived as being different from normal. I am not here to propagate any thing, but just to make you question yourself, the next time you are in such a situation and your mind wants to wear a blanket!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)