Having lived one fourth of my life now( please do not try guessing my age) I understood that one can understand various subjects, different complexities in different subjects but the most important one is often the most neglected…Understanding your own self. Our modern day education system makes you ready to face a world with information and facts on topics relevant to the entire world. You can debate, discuss and be called an intellectual. People may applaud you for your achievements you may be on a high and may run after these laurels when you are not in the limelight. For urban humans life becomes too busy with gadgets that link you to the rest of the world within no time and you stay connected to all, are available to all at any point of time. We are interested in global issues, relationship issues, we want to be updated on the latest in the news for we cannot chance being called stale in the market. All through our lives, we focus on things other than one…our own self. Here, I am not referring to the phenomena of being self centered. At this point I remember an interpretation from one of Ayn Rand’s books- Self less are those who do not have a Self to assert!
We can afford to talk on politics, what’s right with US of A and wrong with us, why the neighbourhood Mrs Sharma is not losing weight and so on and on...it is endless. Tremendous is our ability to absorb things around, form an opinion and throw it out at the first chance offered or grabbed to do so…Thoughts come to a halt and there seems a vacuum in words when one is asked to talk about his own self other than the routine of name, social role(mother/father), organization associated with, education and the likes. One thing or area we have never given thought on is “Self awareness” . When asked to talk about themselves, college guys and gals ponder, adults are quizzed. We always tend to be at the periphery of our own understanding, sometimes assuming this is not important or our attempts to reach to the self were traumatic.To understand oneself, one needs to spend time with himself, which means staying away for a while from the rest of the hustle-bustle and Listening to yourself, talking to yourself, observing yourself and then keeping a track like you would do with any other subject. My experiences tell me that this subject is the most difficult for many of us who have grown on others’ minds and still do. Understanding your own self will also lead you to responsibility for your own self, your thoughts, your actions , in a confused state you may place the blame someone else. There is also another set of beings who pretend that they know themselves very well but when asked “ why you made a particular choice” they would not be in a position to answer the reason. A recent example is a relative of mine who always shoos away any question on his decisions and wears a tag of “I know what I am doing”. He tends to get influenced by people around him, cannot stand smallest of trying times. While deciding on a particular thing, he is full with the confidence someone else has momentarily induced in him and he falls flat on the ground when he does not find his own. There could be many reasons for this behaviour of his but one of those for sure is that he does not understand himself.
When we make an attempt to know our own self, we become aware of why we behave the way we do and can also work at modifying some of our behaviours if need be. Feedback is easier to either accept or refute if you know what you are and what you stand for. Attempts at self understanding also make u realize time and again that you are not perfect but you are of a particular type which may or may not be liked by another person. It then becomes easier to accept so called rejections in life. Be it from a person or an organization. It is often people who are unaware of their self that they assume perfection. The more you know your own self; you respect it and also another person’s individuality. In a personal or professional relationship you would know when you complement someone, what to do in case you are put up with someone whom you do not gel with etc etc.
Understanding yourself goes beyond knowing your favourite food, holiday destination etc… It is to know at a primary level, what are your innate talents, what interests you the most, what are the values you live by or what is it that you value the most in your life, are you more of a people’s person or you tolerate them when needed or to what extent you can tolerate them, are you a believer or a non believer in people at the first instance? Many a times we follow a herd mentality and lose our self. This begins at a very early stage in our life when we enter college/ university. We clearly see that some of our friends enter the stream with parents’ choice, some because they did not know what else to do and a fewer little who know that this is the place for them to be. There was a a friend of mine who scored 80 % marks in 10th standard and chose to go for Arts. Most of the teachers, other parents were amused at his choice. When asked, the boy would say I know that I want to get into Acting and hence the choice. It could be by the virtue of his upbringing that he had that clarity at such an early stage. Having this clarity only helps you and the people around you, for, then you turn in to a secured individual.
Why wait for a time when you feel lost simply minting money like a machine?? Start by giving yourself some time in a week or fortnightly. Devote it to your own self, after all the one person who is always going to be with you for your whole life is You! Noting down ten things you cannot live without, Life the way you want it…Discuss it with your friends or someone who accepts you unconditionally, make use of psychometric instruments like JOHARI’s window,MBTI( Myer Briggs Type indicator), FIRO B( Fundamental Interpersonal Relationship Orientation).
Go ahead, invest some time in understanding, growing, nurturing your self! You may then be in a better position to nurture someone else betterJ
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Meet me…An escapist!
Guess it is in my gene to just move out from any situation….While I was in my mother’s womb, she tried to run away from me by eating up an extra dose of sleeping pills. She was leading an unhappy life with her so called husband of 3 years when their attempts seeking some temporary pleasure, put my seed in to them. When I entered this world through what seemed like the strife from my past seven lives, I landed into a family which was happy to see me for not having expected my mother to give their family a son. Soon after I was exposed to my surroundings where people knew nothing but hatred towards my mother, all those small things that one’s in-laws are capable of doing to show down a girl who has married their son but does not seem to please them by whatever labour she puts in.
I was growing each day and getting nurtured in an environment which spelt nothing but indifference and neglect towards me, a poor little thing that was craving for his mother’s attention and she was too busy trying to appease the monsters of greed. Instead of love that I deserved, I earned these insecurities. Days went by and time passed adding on to the inches and flesh to my bodily growth. Situations only worsened between the two of my parents who could never reconcile. Having reached adolescence I was expected to sort out the case of two adults who were involved in physical assault. Alone I was with them in the house when they decided to wage a war against each other in that small world of 550 sq ft cemented walls. They were hitting each other when I was left with nowhere to go, I was afraid but I wanted to save them from this insanity. Two adults that they were, succeeded in pushing me away and left me bruised and wounded in my mind. The only thing I could do was to run away from there… The society that cared for us never before suddenly started showing up in an attempt to prove that we needed their help. My friends at school over whom I proved by muscle strength, ridiculed me for not having proved my mettle at home. My maternal uncle( mother’s brother) who was my hero till then for the various weight lifting championships he had won, now questioned me on my not being able to stop these two adults from creating that scene. I had nowhere to go, taking pride in being a Man in the making; I could not cry and confess my inability to deal with the situation. From here on started a journey of my mental inability to be in a situation and face it.
Years passed by, the complexities increased and I would always become that small child who wanted to run away in the event of any problem. I began to isolate myself from people and not let anybody come so close to see my failures. I had a friend circle but I could not befriend anybody. I found that behaving harsh to people was the best way to drive them away and avoid any discussion what so ever. My Being did crave for love but I had no one close to express myself. I fell prey to my own mind’s tactics which asked me to throw tantrums and gain attention from my near ones. I would feel good when I was not myself and lost in the arms of someone who cared for me. This was not possible while being conscious for I knew I was not worthy love. My mind started playing a game of acting harsh when conscious (to avoid intimacy) and giving in to love showing helplessness with the help of my new found support, Alcohol! Alcohol helped me lose myself and thereby giving me time not having to respond to any situation. My inability with words always helped me to remain isolated.
I was making these choices but did not want to know them as a truth lying in front of me. I was and am in denial. Today, the world does not let the bruised child cry and so I have a heavy heart with so much to say and unburden but do not know how? I want to be close to my wife whom I love but cannot help running away for I would get belittled if I were to bare myself in front of her…Alcohol gives me no respite, my career going nowhere, I never built a personal life…Right now I am in the arms of the almighty, trying to pick up a new thread of life but I am scared, will I hold it this time?
I was growing each day and getting nurtured in an environment which spelt nothing but indifference and neglect towards me, a poor little thing that was craving for his mother’s attention and she was too busy trying to appease the monsters of greed. Instead of love that I deserved, I earned these insecurities. Days went by and time passed adding on to the inches and flesh to my bodily growth. Situations only worsened between the two of my parents who could never reconcile. Having reached adolescence I was expected to sort out the case of two adults who were involved in physical assault. Alone I was with them in the house when they decided to wage a war against each other in that small world of 550 sq ft cemented walls. They were hitting each other when I was left with nowhere to go, I was afraid but I wanted to save them from this insanity. Two adults that they were, succeeded in pushing me away and left me bruised and wounded in my mind. The only thing I could do was to run away from there… The society that cared for us never before suddenly started showing up in an attempt to prove that we needed their help. My friends at school over whom I proved by muscle strength, ridiculed me for not having proved my mettle at home. My maternal uncle( mother’s brother) who was my hero till then for the various weight lifting championships he had won, now questioned me on my not being able to stop these two adults from creating that scene. I had nowhere to go, taking pride in being a Man in the making; I could not cry and confess my inability to deal with the situation. From here on started a journey of my mental inability to be in a situation and face it.
Years passed by, the complexities increased and I would always become that small child who wanted to run away in the event of any problem. I began to isolate myself from people and not let anybody come so close to see my failures. I had a friend circle but I could not befriend anybody. I found that behaving harsh to people was the best way to drive them away and avoid any discussion what so ever. My Being did crave for love but I had no one close to express myself. I fell prey to my own mind’s tactics which asked me to throw tantrums and gain attention from my near ones. I would feel good when I was not myself and lost in the arms of someone who cared for me. This was not possible while being conscious for I knew I was not worthy love. My mind started playing a game of acting harsh when conscious (to avoid intimacy) and giving in to love showing helplessness with the help of my new found support, Alcohol! Alcohol helped me lose myself and thereby giving me time not having to respond to any situation. My inability with words always helped me to remain isolated.
I was making these choices but did not want to know them as a truth lying in front of me. I was and am in denial. Today, the world does not let the bruised child cry and so I have a heavy heart with so much to say and unburden but do not know how? I want to be close to my wife whom I love but cannot help running away for I would get belittled if I were to bare myself in front of her…Alcohol gives me no respite, my career going nowhere, I never built a personal life…Right now I am in the arms of the almighty, trying to pick up a new thread of life but I am scared, will I hold it this time?
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Just being there for someone…
People who love you, always try to protect you. Their concern for your happiness makes them stop you from doing certain things that could hurt you. In the garb of protection, sometimes we do not let our loved ones breathe…
Many a times, I have had my well wishers advising me not to take a certain step in life which according to their calculations will only give me hurt and pain. With due respects to all my dear ones who care for me, I have always followed my heart which also means not listening to what they said but doing my own thing. There is a companion of mine who once said that you can either fear or you can live! When you are protected, you miss chances of learning certain things in life which are essential to broaden your horizons of understanding and appreciating things around. I would also quote an incident here where a 3 year old girl was very confidently negotiating a narrow path which connected twos sides of a river. She was unaware till then that there could be a possibility of falling and hurting herself in the process and hence fearless. At one end was her grandfather watching her perform the delicate act who was aware of this possibility and was tempted to make her aware that she could fall and hurt herself. While he was watching her he decided otherwise and simply prayed that she reaches the other side without falling off. The grandfather made a choice of not distracting her by calling her or following her. Later when he was reflecting upon the incident he realized that the girl did not need his support or guidance and that if he would have tried to protect her at that point of time, she would have always asked for support. He also realized that it was more of his need to protect or his fear of losing her that tempted him to call her back. In everyday life, we have many such people who have lived more than what we have, have seen a lot happening in life but they should also remember that learning happens only when one is left on his own. I am not trying to propagate that one deliberately keeps hurting himself saying that he is learning. One has to also learn to love himself but like any other paradox in life, has also got to test himself. Because, a bird however precious if always kept in cage, will lose its beauty if it cannot release its core purpose of flying and trading new skies.
We can always provide our loved ones with data from our own experiences but also understand that for everyone to meet his core purpose he has to carve his own path of learning and growth. It is in this act of concern and not caging that love flourishes. When we love, it is important to understand that even though we love, we do not and cannot possess. Possession is an act of insecurity and fear. Similarly so, protection or an overdose of it, does not let another individual grow. The essence of love is that it is free flowing. It is beautiful when the two individuals in it, can dance and celebrate their own sense of uniqueness while enjoying the togetherness. This is applicable in a parent child relationship, a soul mate relationship and much more. When we are involved in these close relationships, we often tend to loathe ourselves on the other. We assume a right on the other for in the name of loving him/ her. It is like declaring sole proprietorship over somebody’s life and declaring to him that nobody but me understands what is good for you, for I am the one who loves you the most. We tend to oversee that we are together yet we are separate. When we oversee this, we HOLD that someone and deprive him of his growth.
Parents tend to forget that they have been instruments in the process of a life entering this world. Respect grows manifold when a child is set free to make his own choices. Here I also work with a presumption that when an atmosphere of respect prevails for an individual, it is often reciprocated by the child or another individual. It is when he feels trusted that he respects you more and values you more. It is in this act of being there for somebody when needed that love is manifested. Being able to do this involves one’s faith in the universe, understanding that for a seed to grow into a plant it requires space and watering from time to time. This watering can be in terms of various moments of experience sharing through which value building takes place. A gardener can only watch a seed grow into a plant, and nourish it. Finally, he has to wait and watch for what the seed turns into. Nobody can ever own nature, for it is available for everybody to enjoy its beauty. A gardener cannot stop birds taking away a few leaves or few of them breaking its branches to make their own nests. A tree is meant to sway and give breeze, provide shelter and many other purposes that it serves. Sharing is an essential part of nature. It is only through sharing that one becomes more beautiful. A child while growing into an adult is a seed that is gaining roots, seeking nourishment so that one day he becomes an offering that can be shared in this world. Over a period of time, if he gets proper nourishment that he realizes what he has come here for. What is it that he can offer back to the world? He shapes himself and is ready to share.
Realizing oneself or one’s potential is possible only through exploration, through discovery which is impossible without hurt and pain. When we are in pain, we integrate with ourselves much more than what we do when are in joy. Exploring, experimenting, practicing is what helps one reach himself. It is important for us to know that our relationships should act as enablers of this realization. Relationships should facilitate self discovery and not curb it. Often, it is the sense of freedom with somebody that draws you closer to him, needless to say that a sense of possession drives others away from you. Withholding is against the laws of nature…
“ I will be there for you whenever you need me” or “ I will always be besides you” is healthier than “ I decide for you” or “ I know what is right for you”
Many a times, I have had my well wishers advising me not to take a certain step in life which according to their calculations will only give me hurt and pain. With due respects to all my dear ones who care for me, I have always followed my heart which also means not listening to what they said but doing my own thing. There is a companion of mine who once said that you can either fear or you can live! When you are protected, you miss chances of learning certain things in life which are essential to broaden your horizons of understanding and appreciating things around. I would also quote an incident here where a 3 year old girl was very confidently negotiating a narrow path which connected twos sides of a river. She was unaware till then that there could be a possibility of falling and hurting herself in the process and hence fearless. At one end was her grandfather watching her perform the delicate act who was aware of this possibility and was tempted to make her aware that she could fall and hurt herself. While he was watching her he decided otherwise and simply prayed that she reaches the other side without falling off. The grandfather made a choice of not distracting her by calling her or following her. Later when he was reflecting upon the incident he realized that the girl did not need his support or guidance and that if he would have tried to protect her at that point of time, she would have always asked for support. He also realized that it was more of his need to protect or his fear of losing her that tempted him to call her back. In everyday life, we have many such people who have lived more than what we have, have seen a lot happening in life but they should also remember that learning happens only when one is left on his own. I am not trying to propagate that one deliberately keeps hurting himself saying that he is learning. One has to also learn to love himself but like any other paradox in life, has also got to test himself. Because, a bird however precious if always kept in cage, will lose its beauty if it cannot release its core purpose of flying and trading new skies.
We can always provide our loved ones with data from our own experiences but also understand that for everyone to meet his core purpose he has to carve his own path of learning and growth. It is in this act of concern and not caging that love flourishes. When we love, it is important to understand that even though we love, we do not and cannot possess. Possession is an act of insecurity and fear. Similarly so, protection or an overdose of it, does not let another individual grow. The essence of love is that it is free flowing. It is beautiful when the two individuals in it, can dance and celebrate their own sense of uniqueness while enjoying the togetherness. This is applicable in a parent child relationship, a soul mate relationship and much more. When we are involved in these close relationships, we often tend to loathe ourselves on the other. We assume a right on the other for in the name of loving him/ her. It is like declaring sole proprietorship over somebody’s life and declaring to him that nobody but me understands what is good for you, for I am the one who loves you the most. We tend to oversee that we are together yet we are separate. When we oversee this, we HOLD that someone and deprive him of his growth.
Parents tend to forget that they have been instruments in the process of a life entering this world. Respect grows manifold when a child is set free to make his own choices. Here I also work with a presumption that when an atmosphere of respect prevails for an individual, it is often reciprocated by the child or another individual. It is when he feels trusted that he respects you more and values you more. It is in this act of being there for somebody when needed that love is manifested. Being able to do this involves one’s faith in the universe, understanding that for a seed to grow into a plant it requires space and watering from time to time. This watering can be in terms of various moments of experience sharing through which value building takes place. A gardener can only watch a seed grow into a plant, and nourish it. Finally, he has to wait and watch for what the seed turns into. Nobody can ever own nature, for it is available for everybody to enjoy its beauty. A gardener cannot stop birds taking away a few leaves or few of them breaking its branches to make their own nests. A tree is meant to sway and give breeze, provide shelter and many other purposes that it serves. Sharing is an essential part of nature. It is only through sharing that one becomes more beautiful. A child while growing into an adult is a seed that is gaining roots, seeking nourishment so that one day he becomes an offering that can be shared in this world. Over a period of time, if he gets proper nourishment that he realizes what he has come here for. What is it that he can offer back to the world? He shapes himself and is ready to share.
Realizing oneself or one’s potential is possible only through exploration, through discovery which is impossible without hurt and pain. When we are in pain, we integrate with ourselves much more than what we do when are in joy. Exploring, experimenting, practicing is what helps one reach himself. It is important for us to know that our relationships should act as enablers of this realization. Relationships should facilitate self discovery and not curb it. Often, it is the sense of freedom with somebody that draws you closer to him, needless to say that a sense of possession drives others away from you. Withholding is against the laws of nature…
“ I will be there for you whenever you need me” or “ I will always be besides you” is healthier than “ I decide for you” or “ I know what is right for you”
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Connectivity…in the world of computers and life(read lives).
It is said that GOD or the supreme power by which ever name you wish to call HIM, is the master of all creations. Very appropriately and beautifully so he installed the hardware and software in us. The software being one that keeps learning , growing over a period of time which could run into days/ months/ years and lives. The hardware(read – the human body) being subject to constant wear and tear needs to be renewed or discarded and then a new one is provided to continue the journey of learning. The hardware is needed as an instrument for the software to be expressed, to enable voice to feelings/ emotions. Much like the current computer systems it only when you have a monitor that you can see what is in the software and make required changes or work through the use of the Key board, while processing the information through the C.P.U. The important word here is work “through”.
Sometimes I wonder why is it so easy for us to accept the phenomenon of the world being a Global village but difficult for us to even acknowledge the fact that the entire universe is connected, that all happenings around us, in our life, are connected with something that we refer to as past and will flow into the so called future. May be it is easier to understand the language of cables/ wires/ radio stations / ports that we setup but not acknowledge something similar that HE set up. We all are limited or shall I say we choose to limit ourselves to the vision our eyes provide while being open. In the world of computers it is well accepted that there exists connectivity and that we can reach out to anybody in any part of the world, then why is it so difficult for us to appreciate the phenomenon of telepathy/ clairvoyance/ Extra sensory perceptions (ESP). This could be because it is easier to believe that we are the hardware and that nothing else beyond that if of significance.
What is written above is a premise being built by the writer to explain something deeper…Go on…
Since childhood, I have been fascinated by the WHYs of life, For example- Why was I born in the family that I was and not in any other? Why is it that the Mom and Dad I have are given to me in such a relationship and not any other? Why is it that some people seem to come in life for a period and then apparently go away?
I got my answers in nature, through reading, observations, introspection and a spiritual organization. All the answers lie in this connectivity. There have always been and will be debates on when the universe began and when will it come to an end because anything found by a human being a relative statement is open for debate. Everything around us is a continuity which we fail to see and appreciate. When you look at the surface, you will find a tree grown in a particular spot, when you look inside the ground, you will find its roots spread far beyond what you can see. All the plants and trees around us do not have seeds sowed by a human being, they have existed much before. Further to this, I would take the analogy of accountancy which is primarily based on two roles, a creditor and a
debtor. One who takes has to return it to the one who has given to settle the books of accounts. What happens between the two is termed as a transaction and it is this transaction or the collection of dues that brings the two into a relationship.
Similarly so, in our lives, the people given to us and who we are given to in whatever relationship as it exists, is out of the creation of some transactions over a period of time( read births) and the settlement of the account of deeds is what brings us into relationships of different intensities. A level higher is that our transactions are for our learning and growth. The creation is so beautiful and perfect that you are given just the kind of experiences through different relationships that you need to become or to discover the beauty of the universe and its happenings.
Another parallel analogy is that of a school. Every standard / class has a particular level of syllabus and subjects which are made to suit the grasping power of a child having average intelligence. The idea is to help the student learn and graduate to different levels. For example, English is a subject that continues right from the beginning to say 15 years of education. Every year the scope of the subject widens and we learn more. Different relationships are given to us to learn different things. The beauty of it is in the variety that exists.
Guess, this should be a good start for many of us who keep wondering/ pondering…
Sometimes I wonder why is it so easy for us to accept the phenomenon of the world being a Global village but difficult for us to even acknowledge the fact that the entire universe is connected, that all happenings around us, in our life, are connected with something that we refer to as past and will flow into the so called future. May be it is easier to understand the language of cables/ wires/ radio stations / ports that we setup but not acknowledge something similar that HE set up. We all are limited or shall I say we choose to limit ourselves to the vision our eyes provide while being open. In the world of computers it is well accepted that there exists connectivity and that we can reach out to anybody in any part of the world, then why is it so difficult for us to appreciate the phenomenon of telepathy/ clairvoyance/ Extra sensory perceptions (ESP). This could be because it is easier to believe that we are the hardware and that nothing else beyond that if of significance.
What is written above is a premise being built by the writer to explain something deeper…Go on…
Since childhood, I have been fascinated by the WHYs of life, For example- Why was I born in the family that I was and not in any other? Why is it that the Mom and Dad I have are given to me in such a relationship and not any other? Why is it that some people seem to come in life for a period and then apparently go away?
I got my answers in nature, through reading, observations, introspection and a spiritual organization. All the answers lie in this connectivity. There have always been and will be debates on when the universe began and when will it come to an end because anything found by a human being a relative statement is open for debate. Everything around us is a continuity which we fail to see and appreciate. When you look at the surface, you will find a tree grown in a particular spot, when you look inside the ground, you will find its roots spread far beyond what you can see. All the plants and trees around us do not have seeds sowed by a human being, they have existed much before. Further to this, I would take the analogy of accountancy which is primarily based on two roles, a creditor and a
debtor. One who takes has to return it to the one who has given to settle the books of accounts. What happens between the two is termed as a transaction and it is this transaction or the collection of dues that brings the two into a relationship.
Similarly so, in our lives, the people given to us and who we are given to in whatever relationship as it exists, is out of the creation of some transactions over a period of time( read births) and the settlement of the account of deeds is what brings us into relationships of different intensities. A level higher is that our transactions are for our learning and growth. The creation is so beautiful and perfect that you are given just the kind of experiences through different relationships that you need to become or to discover the beauty of the universe and its happenings.
Another parallel analogy is that of a school. Every standard / class has a particular level of syllabus and subjects which are made to suit the grasping power of a child having average intelligence. The idea is to help the student learn and graduate to different levels. For example, English is a subject that continues right from the beginning to say 15 years of education. Every year the scope of the subject widens and we learn more. Different relationships are given to us to learn different things. The beauty of it is in the variety that exists.
Guess, this should be a good start for many of us who keep wondering/ pondering…
Sunday, July 23, 2006
LOVE happens just once????
For social ease in the Indian scenario we have been made to believe the above but experiences of many a evolved soul says more than once is not just possible but is often the way it is. We fall into a trap of evaluating love calling it real or unreal. If it turns into marriage it is real or else its not, what a conditioning we are given and that too for generations together. There can be no right or wrong about love. It simply “IS”.
Here, I am not providing justifications for the stray affairs that happen or emerge out of want for just physical intimacy. Love is an ocean, it is like the air that we breathe which keeps us alive and keeps us going. Sometime earlier I have made a mention saying that Love as an element is always present in each of us and it is some external stimuli that makes it overflow from us and touch another soul or even an activity. Other activity could be love for music, for books, photography..it is just anything or just that one thing that makes you feel that you have come Alive.
What interests me is the complexities that we give rise to when this love happens to be for more than one person( read as if between life partners). When a person feels love for another, gets married and settles down, why we knock down the possibility of him being in love with some other individual as well. May be we are unsure of ourselves, may be we do not trust ourselves that we can live with the fact that one may love more than one person at the same time. It for sure requires a rock solid understanding of your self and an eternal openness to accept things as they happen. We possibly feel threatened by our own heart’s calling. Some of my friends who were born years earlier than what I was confess in me saying that there have been instances where after a point of time in their lives, when they discovered themselves more, they approached their then partners to communicate and expected them to understand their process of evolution which in essence is CHANGE. Not very often it has happened that two people in love accept change in their partners and with grace. Somewhere down the line two individuals forget that they are so and that one is exposed to certain experiences that the other is not. For example, a housewife can only imagine what her spouse is experiencing at work which also depends on the amount of sharing done by the other partner. The level of understanding of one is limited to his or her exposure and experiences. In many cases couples experience a disconnect after a period of time, could be 5, 10 , 15 or more years. This so happens because when two decided to unite, they were on a common platform , later one may outgrow the other. The one who has outgrown, does make an attempt to make the other understand what he is going through and how he is evolving each day. He expects his life partner to understand and appreciate the changes(read growth) but may not always find it so.
Whenever we find an individual who appreciates, complements and understands us we begin to love him. This does happen to many couples in marriage. Some separate and live with the other person and some beautifully and subtly manage love and responsibility. This phenomenon can occur many times in one’s life, it is we who have to first understand ourselves and accept that such a thing is possible.
Quite often I question the definition of a successful marriage- is it the number of years that one spends under one roof with another (with due respects to all the couples who do live together, no comments on that). The society has often looked down upon people who divorce and remarry another individual. It is through these rights and wrongs that we let ourselves get influenced and not follow our hearts. I have also come across children who hate their parent for loving some other person than their mother/ father. It is much later or may be never that the child understands and appreciates the choice his parent made.
I have come to understand that we learn through relationships. We are Given souls in different relationships for us to learn different subjects. Physically Close are those from whom we or being with whom we got to learn the most. Also, this happens over many cycles of lifetimes. What is known to your heart, your inner being is not known to anybody else, it cannot be explained in words. When you choose not to listen to your inner voice, you choose fear and not life. And yes, living the path your heart chooses is definitely a matter of courage.
Sum it up by Kahlil Gibran’s quote- Do not try to direct Love, for if it finds you worthy enough, it will direct you into its own course…Have faith!
Here, I am not providing justifications for the stray affairs that happen or emerge out of want for just physical intimacy. Love is an ocean, it is like the air that we breathe which keeps us alive and keeps us going. Sometime earlier I have made a mention saying that Love as an element is always present in each of us and it is some external stimuli that makes it overflow from us and touch another soul or even an activity. Other activity could be love for music, for books, photography..it is just anything or just that one thing that makes you feel that you have come Alive.
What interests me is the complexities that we give rise to when this love happens to be for more than one person( read as if between life partners). When a person feels love for another, gets married and settles down, why we knock down the possibility of him being in love with some other individual as well. May be we are unsure of ourselves, may be we do not trust ourselves that we can live with the fact that one may love more than one person at the same time. It for sure requires a rock solid understanding of your self and an eternal openness to accept things as they happen. We possibly feel threatened by our own heart’s calling. Some of my friends who were born years earlier than what I was confess in me saying that there have been instances where after a point of time in their lives, when they discovered themselves more, they approached their then partners to communicate and expected them to understand their process of evolution which in essence is CHANGE. Not very often it has happened that two people in love accept change in their partners and with grace. Somewhere down the line two individuals forget that they are so and that one is exposed to certain experiences that the other is not. For example, a housewife can only imagine what her spouse is experiencing at work which also depends on the amount of sharing done by the other partner. The level of understanding of one is limited to his or her exposure and experiences. In many cases couples experience a disconnect after a period of time, could be 5, 10 , 15 or more years. This so happens because when two decided to unite, they were on a common platform , later one may outgrow the other. The one who has outgrown, does make an attempt to make the other understand what he is going through and how he is evolving each day. He expects his life partner to understand and appreciate the changes(read growth) but may not always find it so.
Whenever we find an individual who appreciates, complements and understands us we begin to love him. This does happen to many couples in marriage. Some separate and live with the other person and some beautifully and subtly manage love and responsibility. This phenomenon can occur many times in one’s life, it is we who have to first understand ourselves and accept that such a thing is possible.
Quite often I question the definition of a successful marriage- is it the number of years that one spends under one roof with another (with due respects to all the couples who do live together, no comments on that). The society has often looked down upon people who divorce and remarry another individual. It is through these rights and wrongs that we let ourselves get influenced and not follow our hearts. I have also come across children who hate their parent for loving some other person than their mother/ father. It is much later or may be never that the child understands and appreciates the choice his parent made.
I have come to understand that we learn through relationships. We are Given souls in different relationships for us to learn different subjects. Physically Close are those from whom we or being with whom we got to learn the most. Also, this happens over many cycles of lifetimes. What is known to your heart, your inner being is not known to anybody else, it cannot be explained in words. When you choose not to listen to your inner voice, you choose fear and not life. And yes, living the path your heart chooses is definitely a matter of courage.
Sum it up by Kahlil Gibran’s quote- Do not try to direct Love, for if it finds you worthy enough, it will direct you into its own course…Have faith!
Sunday, June 18, 2006
The “I” in You…
Are you living in the belief that you do things for others or that you are quite virtuous when you care for Others? That you are not talking about yourself when you talk about your beloved or the person you hate the most?
If you have answered the above pointers in the affirmatory, I suggest you spend some more time understanding yourself (that is if you wish to). Couple of years back, a wise person told me “People who are Self less are Supremely Selfish”. It is from there that my journey of introspection began about 5 years back. I kept on asking myself, reading books and observing people around, this is what I arrived at…
Whenever I felt that I did something for my mom or my friends, I found that it was essentially for some need inside me that I acted in that manner. When I thought I bought a microwave for my mom’s convenience, I was actually satisfying my need to give back to her whatever she had been doing for me. When I wanted to make peace with a friend, it was my need to go smooth and get the person back in my life. Even when I did some social work, I did it because it satisfied my need to be of some use to the society.
Some other amazing observations happened when I realized that while talking of someone else we land up talking of ourselves, admission to the same is a choice though. Smart interviewers ask you about Role Models in Life, What influenced us most about them etc etc…In the process, we talk of the things we value, like and dislike but are more comfortable routing it through another person’s life…Recently it dawned upon me when I was in a Leadership workshop wherein participants were asked to make a mention of their favourite leader and the reasons why they look up to him or her. While I listened to the inputs from other people, I looked at my own reply saying that “I do not look upto any person in particular but 2-3 and listed out the characteristics. The thing that struck me was when I mentioned of Abraham Lincoln and said that it was his ability to overcome his limitations, make people look up to him and also the ability to Comeback from various Setbacks.” This just spoke of things I did in my own life and want to continue with it…Listening to other participants was more informatory thereafter.
Even in relationships when we decide to modify our behaviours to keep the relationship going, it is our need to sustain the relationship for reasons best known to us. Problems arise when we start believing that we sacrifice for someone else…
In our life partners, we wish to see ourselves and there comes the endless chain of expectations/ demands which may not be fair all the while. The first step is to acknowledge that the phenomenon of seeing yourself in him or her exists and then give him or her the space of his “I”. Appreciate the differences while you count on similarities.
…..All world is a reflection of your own self.. Acknowledge, accept , open up, receive and your “I” will merge with the magnanimity of the universe…
If you have answered the above pointers in the affirmatory, I suggest you spend some more time understanding yourself (that is if you wish to). Couple of years back, a wise person told me “People who are Self less are Supremely Selfish”. It is from there that my journey of introspection began about 5 years back. I kept on asking myself, reading books and observing people around, this is what I arrived at…
Whenever I felt that I did something for my mom or my friends, I found that it was essentially for some need inside me that I acted in that manner. When I thought I bought a microwave for my mom’s convenience, I was actually satisfying my need to give back to her whatever she had been doing for me. When I wanted to make peace with a friend, it was my need to go smooth and get the person back in my life. Even when I did some social work, I did it because it satisfied my need to be of some use to the society.
Some other amazing observations happened when I realized that while talking of someone else we land up talking of ourselves, admission to the same is a choice though. Smart interviewers ask you about Role Models in Life, What influenced us most about them etc etc…In the process, we talk of the things we value, like and dislike but are more comfortable routing it through another person’s life…Recently it dawned upon me when I was in a Leadership workshop wherein participants were asked to make a mention of their favourite leader and the reasons why they look up to him or her. While I listened to the inputs from other people, I looked at my own reply saying that “I do not look upto any person in particular but 2-3 and listed out the characteristics. The thing that struck me was when I mentioned of Abraham Lincoln and said that it was his ability to overcome his limitations, make people look up to him and also the ability to Comeback from various Setbacks.” This just spoke of things I did in my own life and want to continue with it…Listening to other participants was more informatory thereafter.
Even in relationships when we decide to modify our behaviours to keep the relationship going, it is our need to sustain the relationship for reasons best known to us. Problems arise when we start believing that we sacrifice for someone else…
In our life partners, we wish to see ourselves and there comes the endless chain of expectations/ demands which may not be fair all the while. The first step is to acknowledge that the phenomenon of seeing yourself in him or her exists and then give him or her the space of his “I”. Appreciate the differences while you count on similarities.
…..All world is a reflection of your own self.. Acknowledge, accept , open up, receive and your “I” will merge with the magnanimity of the universe…
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Being YourSelf...
What does your experience say? Is it easy being you or it is a challenge every SELF faces in the years that it lives amongst many other “selves”. Let me take you to another tangent- while I write this, I remember a quote – “Most people are other people”, they live by the way other people want them to and think with other people’s minds (the collective mind, do not read it as the mind of the Supreme Being) There are two alternate questions that pop up when we discuss this: 1) Whether and individual realizes what his Self is made up of, his distinct identity or his uniqueness in this universe?
2) Having realized it, what does one really do with it?
Lets take the first question: Right from the moment a child is born, we assign him similarities to his parents/ relatives etc etc…We tend to focus more on what our child shares in common in his peers (does he attend the same coaching classes, or the same summer camps, or may be is one’s child doing better than the neighbors’). Very rarely do we let a child find have his time to explore and find out what he really likes. For some fortunate souls, this liberty is granted in the form of extra- curricular activities in school and college. Some struggle later in lives to FIND themselves, that passion in them that lits them and sets them apart. The SELF is strong in these individuals and they cannot resist the urge to follow it and understand it. Many others resort to convenient ways of just doing what they have been asked to and live a life acceptable within the societal parameters of stable job, marriage followed by kids and the likes…In effect, the process of finding oneself is in itself a courageous task because many a times, you may have to stand alone and not have the luxury of being comparable, hence declared normal, acceptable. The uniqueness in each individual is not comparable if you do realize it, that is.
Now comes the next question: After having realized what ingredients you are made up of, what do you do? This is an even more challenging task for as SELF to conquer, for this is where thoughts start shaping up into action. For example: what happens when the blue eyed baby born in an engineer’s family, decides to take up pottery as his profession. I am sure I need not essay the confrontations that would take place in a normal setup. This is where the strength of a passion is tested through fire. Many a potter must have given up his dreams for the want of answers to practical people who believe in stable lives and who have not seen people making a living out of their passions. It is only when your courage to follow your heart is tested that you understand how clear you are about the dream you are chasing. The road ahead is even tougher for the people who decide to take the plunge and in the bargain lose out on their safety nets of bank balances, secured relationships, steady job etc etc…The individuals who reach till here know that as and when you learn more, you realize that you are alone, left with HIM. And independence is always coupled with responsibility for one’s actions.
It is also only over a period of time that one can differentiate between a Fool and a Wise.
For any person, both appear to start the same way but it is only the end that justifies the strength and conviction of the SELF in either.
2) Having realized it, what does one really do with it?
Lets take the first question: Right from the moment a child is born, we assign him similarities to his parents/ relatives etc etc…We tend to focus more on what our child shares in common in his peers (does he attend the same coaching classes, or the same summer camps, or may be is one’s child doing better than the neighbors’). Very rarely do we let a child find have his time to explore and find out what he really likes. For some fortunate souls, this liberty is granted in the form of extra- curricular activities in school and college. Some struggle later in lives to FIND themselves, that passion in them that lits them and sets them apart. The SELF is strong in these individuals and they cannot resist the urge to follow it and understand it. Many others resort to convenient ways of just doing what they have been asked to and live a life acceptable within the societal parameters of stable job, marriage followed by kids and the likes…In effect, the process of finding oneself is in itself a courageous task because many a times, you may have to stand alone and not have the luxury of being comparable, hence declared normal, acceptable. The uniqueness in each individual is not comparable if you do realize it, that is.
Now comes the next question: After having realized what ingredients you are made up of, what do you do? This is an even more challenging task for as SELF to conquer, for this is where thoughts start shaping up into action. For example: what happens when the blue eyed baby born in an engineer’s family, decides to take up pottery as his profession. I am sure I need not essay the confrontations that would take place in a normal setup. This is where the strength of a passion is tested through fire. Many a potter must have given up his dreams for the want of answers to practical people who believe in stable lives and who have not seen people making a living out of their passions. It is only when your courage to follow your heart is tested that you understand how clear you are about the dream you are chasing. The road ahead is even tougher for the people who decide to take the plunge and in the bargain lose out on their safety nets of bank balances, secured relationships, steady job etc etc…The individuals who reach till here know that as and when you learn more, you realize that you are alone, left with HIM. And independence is always coupled with responsibility for one’s actions.
It is also only over a period of time that one can differentiate between a Fool and a Wise.
For any person, both appear to start the same way but it is only the end that justifies the strength and conviction of the SELF in either.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
If you let it go , you do not care enough..Is it so?
When was the last time you tried your best to salvage an already broken relationship? OR made some offers to an employee who had decided to leave the corporate world for good but YOU wanted him to be there...Even in a tricky situation like an ailing person on the anvil of death who wants nothing but peace to breathe the last few moments, we try and hold on. Why do we do so?
In work or personal relationships it is difficult for us to let go off a person. Many a times in a marriage when two people cannot even bear to see each other eye to eye, they HOLD ON and claim that they are salvaging the sanctity of the institution of marriage. At work, if a person clearly declares his choice of leaving, we again try to make him offers to stay back which may or may not be lucrative or worth a consideration. Whether he takes it up or not is an entirely different issue. The question here is why do we try to hold on?
One major reason could be the way we are brought up. If a person is independent and wishes to live life on his own terms, he is looked upon as person who does not care enough for the people around him. If two people in a marriage are not compatible, they cannot comfortably separate because of social stigma saying “ 2 people who seek divorce cannot really sustain a relationship” and hence can never make good parents if they separate. Whoever said that living under one roof was testimony to a healthy relationship and much healthier upbringing needs a new perspective.
Our concern then is the superficiality and not the core, we look at quantity and not quality. For example: Measure for a successful relationship whether work or personal is the no. of years one has lived or shall I say learnt to live with the other. However damaging it may be for one’s personal growth, a child between 2 incompatible adults is expected to live with them and abide by them. A person who wishes to leave the world in peace is forced in to the pains and further sufferings of getting into an Intensive Care Unit and being treated as another machine, simply because his family members who care for him cannot see him die but cannot even understand that every moment his death being prolonged is like living a million deaths at a time.
From the little experiences that I have had, I see that it is important to sustain but it is also important to let go when required. If we respect a person, we would also respect his decisions indeed. When we care for someone we would care for his wellbeing irrespective of whether we feature in it or not. One of my angels once said to me “ Love is never about holding on, it is more about letting go ..”
At the end of the day, this is what is evident even in nature. You can enjoy and cherish the beauty of things but cannot hold the thing on... try to hold a flower for more than a day or a butterfly, you can but there will be just the skeleton, the spirit gone...
In work or personal relationships it is difficult for us to let go off a person. Many a times in a marriage when two people cannot even bear to see each other eye to eye, they HOLD ON and claim that they are salvaging the sanctity of the institution of marriage. At work, if a person clearly declares his choice of leaving, we again try to make him offers to stay back which may or may not be lucrative or worth a consideration. Whether he takes it up or not is an entirely different issue. The question here is why do we try to hold on?
One major reason could be the way we are brought up. If a person is independent and wishes to live life on his own terms, he is looked upon as person who does not care enough for the people around him. If two people in a marriage are not compatible, they cannot comfortably separate because of social stigma saying “ 2 people who seek divorce cannot really sustain a relationship” and hence can never make good parents if they separate. Whoever said that living under one roof was testimony to a healthy relationship and much healthier upbringing needs a new perspective.
Our concern then is the superficiality and not the core, we look at quantity and not quality. For example: Measure for a successful relationship whether work or personal is the no. of years one has lived or shall I say learnt to live with the other. However damaging it may be for one’s personal growth, a child between 2 incompatible adults is expected to live with them and abide by them. A person who wishes to leave the world in peace is forced in to the pains and further sufferings of getting into an Intensive Care Unit and being treated as another machine, simply because his family members who care for him cannot see him die but cannot even understand that every moment his death being prolonged is like living a million deaths at a time.
From the little experiences that I have had, I see that it is important to sustain but it is also important to let go when required. If we respect a person, we would also respect his decisions indeed. When we care for someone we would care for his wellbeing irrespective of whether we feature in it or not. One of my angels once said to me “ Love is never about holding on, it is more about letting go ..”
At the end of the day, this is what is evident even in nature. You can enjoy and cherish the beauty of things but cannot hold the thing on... try to hold a flower for more than a day or a butterfly, you can but there will be just the skeleton, the spirit gone...
Sunday, May 21, 2006
I have had enough..a fallacy..at least in my life!
I have had enough..a fallacy..atleast in my life!
Throughout my life till now (mind you I have lived 25 long years) I always had experiences that called for more than the normal from me. Mainly the environment at home made me grow at a pace much faster than my peers. That’s how I registered a gap between my biological and mental age. In those stressful situations when I handled myself I felt like a positive survivor (why positive? Because some people survive by default without liking it). It called for me becoming independent for I could not look upto many elders for advice (they were not given to me in my surroundings for a long time).
Many years later in my teens I started meeting people who wanted me to open up to them and wanted me to feel good by loving me in their own ways in the very little time we met. They helped in their own ways and are angels to me. In the whole process till a few months back, I started subconsciously discounting the advice given to me by elders because I never really learnt to listen to them with 2 adults at my home always quarreling with each other. I began to live in a notion that I understand things much better than they do which was true to quite an extent but may not always be so. I grew up to be matured but also began to make the mistake of equaling people much older than me (older = experienced, right?). In the process, I began just listening to myself and not to anybody else except 1 person who had become a father figure to me.
When I entered the real life job situations, I entered with a confidence that I could handle anything and that I really did not need anybody’s help. I was more of “telling” than “Listening”. I met 2 beautiful people on work who till date are very close to me. They got close to me for the same reasons that I am positive, matured and had goodwill for all. These 2 people were again much elder to me, but we clicked somewhere and well indeed. Over a period of time, as I got more and more love( which I was probably wanting to have), I made some mistakes which I would otherwise preach people not to do. What were they?..Taking them for granted, many a times not involving them in a decision or not even informing certain things which for me was normal because I grew up thinking and acting for myself. With these 2 people so close, I was experiencing a matured relationship for the first time. After having read this, you may think how I call myself matured!! True, isn’t it?
Having had a tough time for many years, I made one mistake of thinking “I have had enough”. With these situations given to me I understood (hope I have) that one can never say “I have had enough” and close himself to learning. One may be good at certain aspects but there’s an ocean of things to be learnt. Those situations given early in my life did help me grow faster but I guess, since I am still alive I have lots more to learn from different beautiful people around me.
The polishing of a diamond never really ends; it is just that it shines enough to make us feel that it has been polished enough. Can the diamond ever know how much has it been polished?
Throughout my life till now (mind you I have lived 25 long years) I always had experiences that called for more than the normal from me. Mainly the environment at home made me grow at a pace much faster than my peers. That’s how I registered a gap between my biological and mental age. In those stressful situations when I handled myself I felt like a positive survivor (why positive? Because some people survive by default without liking it). It called for me becoming independent for I could not look upto many elders for advice (they were not given to me in my surroundings for a long time).
Many years later in my teens I started meeting people who wanted me to open up to them and wanted me to feel good by loving me in their own ways in the very little time we met. They helped in their own ways and are angels to me. In the whole process till a few months back, I started subconsciously discounting the advice given to me by elders because I never really learnt to listen to them with 2 adults at my home always quarreling with each other. I began to live in a notion that I understand things much better than they do which was true to quite an extent but may not always be so. I grew up to be matured but also began to make the mistake of equaling people much older than me (older = experienced, right?). In the process, I began just listening to myself and not to anybody else except 1 person who had become a father figure to me.
When I entered the real life job situations, I entered with a confidence that I could handle anything and that I really did not need anybody’s help. I was more of “telling” than “Listening”. I met 2 beautiful people on work who till date are very close to me. They got close to me for the same reasons that I am positive, matured and had goodwill for all. These 2 people were again much elder to me, but we clicked somewhere and well indeed. Over a period of time, as I got more and more love( which I was probably wanting to have), I made some mistakes which I would otherwise preach people not to do. What were they?..Taking them for granted, many a times not involving them in a decision or not even informing certain things which for me was normal because I grew up thinking and acting for myself. With these 2 people so close, I was experiencing a matured relationship for the first time. After having read this, you may think how I call myself matured!! True, isn’t it?
Having had a tough time for many years, I made one mistake of thinking “I have had enough”. With these situations given to me I understood (hope I have) that one can never say “I have had enough” and close himself to learning. One may be good at certain aspects but there’s an ocean of things to be learnt. Those situations given early in my life did help me grow faster but I guess, since I am still alive I have lots more to learn from different beautiful people around me.
The polishing of a diamond never really ends; it is just that it shines enough to make us feel that it has been polished enough. Can the diamond ever know how much has it been polished?
Sunday, May 07, 2006
It’s there now…it’s not..
It’s there now…it’s not..
Temporary..Unpredictable..Uncertain..Pleasures of life..
Many of us must be passing through these phases of happiness, then pain and then pleasure again. I cannot generalize this statement, for, very few of us realize this and even fewer make it vocal. Some practical men choose to ignore it saying it is a waste of their time and energy to mull over such issues (probably the itch caused by the grey cells gets uncontrollable for them)
Well, jokes apart I have been hearing these temporary truths of life from many a sage and some books of wisdom too spell out these in black and white. Even I chose to swing into the roller coaster of smiles and tears for quite some time. One fine day I felt that the love that I was chasing was also for a few good moments of togetherness and many more of sadness arising from separation from my source of love/happiness. Our source of love or happiness could be a person/ a book/ music/ nature/ etc etc..The love within a person is always in the waiting till there is a stimulus like the above that makes it move. Quite naturally any of the sources that holds good for one is also temporary simply because it will not always be there with you, do you think otherwise??
Why is it then that we choose the temporary over the permanent? For that’s the only source of suffering and hence our cleansing. One more fallacy that we deal with is to try and not believe that these indeed are impermanent. We try and make the mistake of possessing the source which leads to even more misery especially when the source happens to be a living being.In the name of love we call for sacrifices from the many people we supposedly love because if they do not act as per our wish “we will not be happy”.Over a period of time we develop a formula for our happiness and anything that challenges it is unwelcome. May be we should sit back and think how may times in life we very subtly as parents, lovers, friends make our source of love change his choice or at least attempt that. We do this because our sense of permanency (love from that source in certain set circumstances/conditions) seems to get challenged if he/she does not act as per our wish.
When I started watching myself from a distance doing all these scenes of smiling one second and shouting the other, I felt like a puppet in the hands of the situation itself. Quite often we let ourselves behave like a tennis ball being shot between two rackets.
Its not that people do not know this but they are afraid of the awakening, for, not many mistakes of an awakened soul are pardonable.
No wonder that our so called society cannot stand the people who love even after one source has taken heaven’s abode or may be simultaneously love 2 or more.
It is only here that there can be rights and wrongs because something which is permanent does not permit duality.
Temporary..Unpredictable..Uncertain..Pleasures of life..
Many of us must be passing through these phases of happiness, then pain and then pleasure again. I cannot generalize this statement, for, very few of us realize this and even fewer make it vocal. Some practical men choose to ignore it saying it is a waste of their time and energy to mull over such issues (probably the itch caused by the grey cells gets uncontrollable for them)
Well, jokes apart I have been hearing these temporary truths of life from many a sage and some books of wisdom too spell out these in black and white. Even I chose to swing into the roller coaster of smiles and tears for quite some time. One fine day I felt that the love that I was chasing was also for a few good moments of togetherness and many more of sadness arising from separation from my source of love/happiness. Our source of love or happiness could be a person/ a book/ music/ nature/ etc etc..The love within a person is always in the waiting till there is a stimulus like the above that makes it move. Quite naturally any of the sources that holds good for one is also temporary simply because it will not always be there with you, do you think otherwise??
Why is it then that we choose the temporary over the permanent? For that’s the only source of suffering and hence our cleansing. One more fallacy that we deal with is to try and not believe that these indeed are impermanent. We try and make the mistake of possessing the source which leads to even more misery especially when the source happens to be a living being.In the name of love we call for sacrifices from the many people we supposedly love because if they do not act as per our wish “we will not be happy”.Over a period of time we develop a formula for our happiness and anything that challenges it is unwelcome. May be we should sit back and think how may times in life we very subtly as parents, lovers, friends make our source of love change his choice or at least attempt that. We do this because our sense of permanency (love from that source in certain set circumstances/conditions) seems to get challenged if he/she does not act as per our wish.
When I started watching myself from a distance doing all these scenes of smiling one second and shouting the other, I felt like a puppet in the hands of the situation itself. Quite often we let ourselves behave like a tennis ball being shot between two rackets.
Its not that people do not know this but they are afraid of the awakening, for, not many mistakes of an awakened soul are pardonable.
No wonder that our so called society cannot stand the people who love even after one source has taken heaven’s abode or may be simultaneously love 2 or more.
It is only here that there can be rights and wrongs because something which is permanent does not permit duality.
And I thought I did a shoddy job..
And I thought I did a shoddy job...
A week back, I was asked to make a presentation on Change management for an ERP initiative in our organization. Being an idealist that I am I did the groundwork to let the audience understand the basis of change, need for change and normal reaction to change which is that of resistance/ fear/ mistrust and the like. Therefore the thrust of my presentation was to be that of an attitude change and the rest to follow.
After an hour of discussion with the two project managers, I was disappointed that they wanted to ignore the fundamental aspect of change and feared making a mention of the word “resistance to change” and thought it was better to present it in more digestible words...the point being do not talk of things in black and white or do not address the core, just be at the periphery and expect that the rest would happen on its own. When I quoted the Manager on his own examples wherein he wanted people to become pro- active than reactive and wanted them to take ownership of issues, he did not want to talk of “attitude” change as that would mean digressing from the main issue. Much surprised as I was, I then asked them what was expected of me during the presentation and they gladly mentioned some formats to be filled by people and some change management workshops which were to concentrate on technical changes not attitudinal aspects.
I made the presentation as they wanted me to and got lot of appreciation for doing half a job. Often I hear these words “we want your 100% inputs”, “you are here for your intellectual capabilities” and when one uses it to make things better, he is not allowed to because the people at the top are not sure of themselves or are so sure of what they want that no other changes can take place to the thoughts they have framed.
Knowing fully well in their hearts( the people at the top) that what the other person is saying is valid, they do not venture in to and realize the facts much later when it turns into a crisis situation.
One more possibility is that may be these people are not used to confrontations and seldom come across someone who does not easily say “ Yes” just because the other person is a Boss or in a position of authority.
We keep talking of “empowerment”, “participative decision making” and the likes wherein the participation is restricted to sharing the decision already made.
That day when according to me I did a shoddy job, I realized that even if you have the best to offer it can be materialized only when there is somebody who can digest it, accept it and then work on it or even let you work on it.
Another lesson that I learnt, one who is passionate about his work should also know how to best package it to suit the situation…it is indeed difficult to practice.
A week back, I was asked to make a presentation on Change management for an ERP initiative in our organization. Being an idealist that I am I did the groundwork to let the audience understand the basis of change, need for change and normal reaction to change which is that of resistance/ fear/ mistrust and the like. Therefore the thrust of my presentation was to be that of an attitude change and the rest to follow.
After an hour of discussion with the two project managers, I was disappointed that they wanted to ignore the fundamental aspect of change and feared making a mention of the word “resistance to change” and thought it was better to present it in more digestible words...the point being do not talk of things in black and white or do not address the core, just be at the periphery and expect that the rest would happen on its own. When I quoted the Manager on his own examples wherein he wanted people to become pro- active than reactive and wanted them to take ownership of issues, he did not want to talk of “attitude” change as that would mean digressing from the main issue. Much surprised as I was, I then asked them what was expected of me during the presentation and they gladly mentioned some formats to be filled by people and some change management workshops which were to concentrate on technical changes not attitudinal aspects.
I made the presentation as they wanted me to and got lot of appreciation for doing half a job. Often I hear these words “we want your 100% inputs”, “you are here for your intellectual capabilities” and when one uses it to make things better, he is not allowed to because the people at the top are not sure of themselves or are so sure of what they want that no other changes can take place to the thoughts they have framed.
Knowing fully well in their hearts( the people at the top) that what the other person is saying is valid, they do not venture in to and realize the facts much later when it turns into a crisis situation.
One more possibility is that may be these people are not used to confrontations and seldom come across someone who does not easily say “ Yes” just because the other person is a Boss or in a position of authority.
We keep talking of “empowerment”, “participative decision making” and the likes wherein the participation is restricted to sharing the decision already made.
That day when according to me I did a shoddy job, I realized that even if you have the best to offer it can be materialized only when there is somebody who can digest it, accept it and then work on it or even let you work on it.
Another lesson that I learnt, one who is passionate about his work should also know how to best package it to suit the situation…it is indeed difficult to practice.
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