Are you living in the belief that you do things for others or that you are quite virtuous when you care for Others? That you are not talking about yourself when you talk about your beloved or the person you hate the most?
If you have answered the above pointers in the affirmatory, I suggest you spend some more time understanding yourself (that is if you wish to). Couple of years back, a wise person told me “People who are Self less are Supremely Selfish”. It is from there that my journey of introspection began about 5 years back. I kept on asking myself, reading books and observing people around, this is what I arrived at…
Whenever I felt that I did something for my mom or my friends, I found that it was essentially for some need inside me that I acted in that manner. When I thought I bought a microwave for my mom’s convenience, I was actually satisfying my need to give back to her whatever she had been doing for me. When I wanted to make peace with a friend, it was my need to go smooth and get the person back in my life. Even when I did some social work, I did it because it satisfied my need to be of some use to the society.
Some other amazing observations happened when I realized that while talking of someone else we land up talking of ourselves, admission to the same is a choice though. Smart interviewers ask you about Role Models in Life, What influenced us most about them etc etc…In the process, we talk of the things we value, like and dislike but are more comfortable routing it through another person’s life…Recently it dawned upon me when I was in a Leadership workshop wherein participants were asked to make a mention of their favourite leader and the reasons why they look up to him or her. While I listened to the inputs from other people, I looked at my own reply saying that “I do not look upto any person in particular but 2-3 and listed out the characteristics. The thing that struck me was when I mentioned of Abraham Lincoln and said that it was his ability to overcome his limitations, make people look up to him and also the ability to Comeback from various Setbacks.” This just spoke of things I did in my own life and want to continue with it…Listening to other participants was more informatory thereafter.
Even in relationships when we decide to modify our behaviours to keep the relationship going, it is our need to sustain the relationship for reasons best known to us. Problems arise when we start believing that we sacrifice for someone else…
In our life partners, we wish to see ourselves and there comes the endless chain of expectations/ demands which may not be fair all the while. The first step is to acknowledge that the phenomenon of seeing yourself in him or her exists and then give him or her the space of his “I”. Appreciate the differences while you count on similarities.
…..All world is a reflection of your own self.. Acknowledge, accept , open up, receive and your “I” will merge with the magnanimity of the universe…
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Being YourSelf...
What does your experience say? Is it easy being you or it is a challenge every SELF faces in the years that it lives amongst many other “selves”. Let me take you to another tangent- while I write this, I remember a quote – “Most people are other people”, they live by the way other people want them to and think with other people’s minds (the collective mind, do not read it as the mind of the Supreme Being) There are two alternate questions that pop up when we discuss this: 1) Whether and individual realizes what his Self is made up of, his distinct identity or his uniqueness in this universe?
2) Having realized it, what does one really do with it?
Lets take the first question: Right from the moment a child is born, we assign him similarities to his parents/ relatives etc etc…We tend to focus more on what our child shares in common in his peers (does he attend the same coaching classes, or the same summer camps, or may be is one’s child doing better than the neighbors’). Very rarely do we let a child find have his time to explore and find out what he really likes. For some fortunate souls, this liberty is granted in the form of extra- curricular activities in school and college. Some struggle later in lives to FIND themselves, that passion in them that lits them and sets them apart. The SELF is strong in these individuals and they cannot resist the urge to follow it and understand it. Many others resort to convenient ways of just doing what they have been asked to and live a life acceptable within the societal parameters of stable job, marriage followed by kids and the likes…In effect, the process of finding oneself is in itself a courageous task because many a times, you may have to stand alone and not have the luxury of being comparable, hence declared normal, acceptable. The uniqueness in each individual is not comparable if you do realize it, that is.
Now comes the next question: After having realized what ingredients you are made up of, what do you do? This is an even more challenging task for as SELF to conquer, for this is where thoughts start shaping up into action. For example: what happens when the blue eyed baby born in an engineer’s family, decides to take up pottery as his profession. I am sure I need not essay the confrontations that would take place in a normal setup. This is where the strength of a passion is tested through fire. Many a potter must have given up his dreams for the want of answers to practical people who believe in stable lives and who have not seen people making a living out of their passions. It is only when your courage to follow your heart is tested that you understand how clear you are about the dream you are chasing. The road ahead is even tougher for the people who decide to take the plunge and in the bargain lose out on their safety nets of bank balances, secured relationships, steady job etc etc…The individuals who reach till here know that as and when you learn more, you realize that you are alone, left with HIM. And independence is always coupled with responsibility for one’s actions.
It is also only over a period of time that one can differentiate between a Fool and a Wise.
For any person, both appear to start the same way but it is only the end that justifies the strength and conviction of the SELF in either.
2) Having realized it, what does one really do with it?
Lets take the first question: Right from the moment a child is born, we assign him similarities to his parents/ relatives etc etc…We tend to focus more on what our child shares in common in his peers (does he attend the same coaching classes, or the same summer camps, or may be is one’s child doing better than the neighbors’). Very rarely do we let a child find have his time to explore and find out what he really likes. For some fortunate souls, this liberty is granted in the form of extra- curricular activities in school and college. Some struggle later in lives to FIND themselves, that passion in them that lits them and sets them apart. The SELF is strong in these individuals and they cannot resist the urge to follow it and understand it. Many others resort to convenient ways of just doing what they have been asked to and live a life acceptable within the societal parameters of stable job, marriage followed by kids and the likes…In effect, the process of finding oneself is in itself a courageous task because many a times, you may have to stand alone and not have the luxury of being comparable, hence declared normal, acceptable. The uniqueness in each individual is not comparable if you do realize it, that is.
Now comes the next question: After having realized what ingredients you are made up of, what do you do? This is an even more challenging task for as SELF to conquer, for this is where thoughts start shaping up into action. For example: what happens when the blue eyed baby born in an engineer’s family, decides to take up pottery as his profession. I am sure I need not essay the confrontations that would take place in a normal setup. This is where the strength of a passion is tested through fire. Many a potter must have given up his dreams for the want of answers to practical people who believe in stable lives and who have not seen people making a living out of their passions. It is only when your courage to follow your heart is tested that you understand how clear you are about the dream you are chasing. The road ahead is even tougher for the people who decide to take the plunge and in the bargain lose out on their safety nets of bank balances, secured relationships, steady job etc etc…The individuals who reach till here know that as and when you learn more, you realize that you are alone, left with HIM. And independence is always coupled with responsibility for one’s actions.
It is also only over a period of time that one can differentiate between a Fool and a Wise.
For any person, both appear to start the same way but it is only the end that justifies the strength and conviction of the SELF in either.
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