Sunday, August 27, 2006

Just being there for someone…

People who love you, always try to protect you. Their concern for your happiness makes them stop you from doing certain things that could hurt you. In the garb of protection, sometimes we do not let our loved ones breathe…

Many a times, I have had my well wishers advising me not to take a certain step in life which according to their calculations will only give me hurt and pain. With due respects to all my dear ones who care for me, I have always followed my heart which also means not listening to what they said but doing my own thing. There is a companion of mine who once said that you can either fear or you can live! When you are protected, you miss chances of learning certain things in life which are essential to broaden your horizons of understanding and appreciating things around. I would also quote an incident here where a 3 year old girl was very confidently negotiating a narrow path which connected twos sides of a river. She was unaware till then that there could be a possibility of falling and hurting herself in the process and hence fearless. At one end was her grandfather watching her perform the delicate act who was aware of this possibility and was tempted to make her aware that she could fall and hurt herself. While he was watching her he decided otherwise and simply prayed that she reaches the other side without falling off. The grandfather made a choice of not distracting her by calling her or following her. Later when he was reflecting upon the incident he realized that the girl did not need his support or guidance and that if he would have tried to protect her at that point of time, she would have always asked for support. He also realized that it was more of his need to protect or his fear of losing her that tempted him to call her back. In everyday life, we have many such people who have lived more than what we have, have seen a lot happening in life but they should also remember that learning happens only when one is left on his own. I am not trying to propagate that one deliberately keeps hurting himself saying that he is learning. One has to also learn to love himself but like any other paradox in life, has also got to test himself. Because, a bird however precious if always kept in cage, will lose its beauty if it cannot release its core purpose of flying and trading new skies.

We can always provide our loved ones with data from our own experiences but also understand that for everyone to meet his core purpose he has to carve his own path of learning and growth. It is in this act of concern and not caging that love flourishes. When we love, it is important to understand that even though we love, we do not and cannot possess. Possession is an act of insecurity and fear. Similarly so, protection or an overdose of it, does not let another individual grow. The essence of love is that it is free flowing. It is beautiful when the two individuals in it, can dance and celebrate their own sense of uniqueness while enjoying the togetherness. This is applicable in a parent child relationship, a soul mate relationship and much more. When we are involved in these close relationships, we often tend to loathe ourselves on the other. We assume a right on the other for in the name of loving him/ her. It is like declaring sole proprietorship over somebody’s life and declaring to him that nobody but me understands what is good for you, for I am the one who loves you the most. We tend to oversee that we are together yet we are separate. When we oversee this, we HOLD that someone and deprive him of his growth.

Parents tend to forget that they have been instruments in the process of a life entering this world. Respect grows manifold when a child is set free to make his own choices. Here I also work with a presumption that when an atmosphere of respect prevails for an individual, it is often reciprocated by the child or another individual. It is when he feels trusted that he respects you more and values you more. It is in this act of being there for somebody when needed that love is manifested. Being able to do this involves one’s faith in the universe, understanding that for a seed to grow into a plant it requires space and watering from time to time. This watering can be in terms of various moments of experience sharing through which value building takes place. A gardener can only watch a seed grow into a plant, and nourish it. Finally, he has to wait and watch for what the seed turns into. Nobody can ever own nature, for it is available for everybody to enjoy its beauty. A gardener cannot stop birds taking away a few leaves or few of them breaking its branches to make their own nests. A tree is meant to sway and give breeze, provide shelter and many other purposes that it serves. Sharing is an essential part of nature. It is only through sharing that one becomes more beautiful. A child while growing into an adult is a seed that is gaining roots, seeking nourishment so that one day he becomes an offering that can be shared in this world. Over a period of time, if he gets proper nourishment that he realizes what he has come here for. What is it that he can offer back to the world? He shapes himself and is ready to share.

Realizing oneself or one’s potential is possible only through exploration, through discovery which is impossible without hurt and pain. When we are in pain, we integrate with ourselves much more than what we do when are in joy. Exploring, experimenting, practicing is what helps one reach himself. It is important for us to know that our relationships should act as enablers of this realization. Relationships should facilitate self discovery and not curb it. Often, it is the sense of freedom with somebody that draws you closer to him, needless to say that a sense of possession drives others away from you. Withholding is against the laws of nature…

“ I will be there for you whenever you need me” or “ I will always be besides you” is healthier than “ I decide for you” or “ I know what is right for you”

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Connectivity…in the world of computers and life(read lives).

It is said that GOD or the supreme power by which ever name you wish to call HIM, is the master of all creations. Very appropriately and beautifully so he installed the hardware and software in us. The software being one that keeps learning , growing over a period of time which could run into days/ months/ years and lives. The hardware(read – the human body) being subject to constant wear and tear needs to be renewed or discarded and then a new one is provided to continue the journey of learning. The hardware is needed as an instrument for the software to be expressed, to enable voice to feelings/ emotions. Much like the current computer systems it only when you have a monitor that you can see what is in the software and make required changes or work through the use of the Key board, while processing the information through the C.P.U. The important word here is work “through”.

Sometimes I wonder why is it so easy for us to accept the phenomenon of the world being a Global village but difficult for us to even acknowledge the fact that the entire universe is connected, that all happenings around us, in our life, are connected with something that we refer to as past and will flow into the so called future. May be it is easier to understand the language of cables/ wires/ radio stations / ports that we setup but not acknowledge something similar that HE set up. We all are limited or shall I say we choose to limit ourselves to the vision our eyes provide while being open. In the world of computers it is well accepted that there exists connectivity and that we can reach out to anybody in any part of the world, then why is it so difficult for us to appreciate the phenomenon of telepathy/ clairvoyance/ Extra sensory perceptions (ESP). This could be because it is easier to believe that we are the hardware and that nothing else beyond that if of significance.

What is written above is a premise being built by the writer to explain something deeper…Go on…

Since childhood, I have been fascinated by the WHYs of life, For example- Why was I born in the family that I was and not in any other? Why is it that the Mom and Dad I have are given to me in such a relationship and not any other? Why is it that some people seem to come in life for a period and then apparently go away?

I got my answers in nature, through reading, observations, introspection and a spiritual organization. All the answers lie in this connectivity. There have always been and will be debates on when the universe began and when will it come to an end because anything found by a human being a relative statement is open for debate. Everything around us is a continuity which we fail to see and appreciate. When you look at the surface, you will find a tree grown in a particular spot, when you look inside the ground, you will find its roots spread far beyond what you can see. All the plants and trees around us do not have seeds sowed by a human being, they have existed much before. Further to this, I would take the analogy of accountancy which is primarily based on two roles, a creditor and a



debtor. One who takes has to return it to the one who has given to settle the books of accounts. What happens between the two is termed as a transaction and it is this transaction or the collection of dues that brings the two into a relationship.

Similarly so, in our lives, the people given to us and who we are given to in whatever relationship as it exists, is out of the creation of some transactions over a period of time( read births) and the settlement of the account of deeds is what brings us into relationships of different intensities. A level higher is that our transactions are for our learning and growth. The creation is so beautiful and perfect that you are given just the kind of experiences through different relationships that you need to become or to discover the beauty of the universe and its happenings.

Another parallel analogy is that of a school. Every standard / class has a particular level of syllabus and subjects which are made to suit the grasping power of a child having average intelligence. The idea is to help the student learn and graduate to different levels. For example, English is a subject that continues right from the beginning to say 15 years of education. Every year the scope of the subject widens and we learn more. Different relationships are given to us to learn different things. The beauty of it is in the variety that exists.

Guess, this should be a good start for many of us who keep wondering/ pondering…