Sunday, September 07, 2008

Can we be friends again?

Martinez does not know whether he will ever earn her friendship again. He has been in pain and repents on the act that he committed. An act so natural and pure which is known as expressing your love for someone. Every single day he regrets that moment when he voiced his heart’s yearning to have Paula forever as his beloved. That day, he did not know that his expression would have the power to shake the foundation of an otherwise beautiful relationship they were sharing for the last six months.

A professional relationship is what brought Martinez and Paula to get to know each other. Paula was a young attractive woman in her early twenties. Most men’s eyes would meet her shoulder while talking to her and this was just one of the things that she was known for in the 500 member office. She was witty and carried humor at the back of her sleeve. Although a little too young for the responsibilities she was asked to shoulder, she had been doing good for herself. Personally, Paula was wary of men who tried getting close to her. She had been through a couple of bitter intimacies and had decided to let her parents do the match hunting for her. Martinez was a young guy too with bubbling enthusiasm and a heart to befriend even the peon in the office. Good at his work, he soon got recognition in his team. Paula’s wariness met Martinez’s infectious energy. The two became friends with humor acting as their binding agent. Even before they knew, they began sharing with one another the deepest secrets of their lives. Talking to each other for hours over the phone was akin to breathing for them. Within herself, Paula knew that something new was happening to her. She had begun getting close and opening herself up to a new person. She knew that she did not want to get too close to hurt herself later but could not help. Her defense was her belief that she was not growing dependent and that she could manage to stay unattached. Martinez like always put his soul into the small demands she made. His involvement stemmed from his need to have a person in his life whom he could consider his shadow. By the end of six months, the two knew each other like they knew themselves.

All was moving well until one day Paula realized that she could no longer use her veil of distance because there was none. In a desperate attempt to save herself, she picked up a fight and feigned indifference. She appeared frozen and his tears would not stop. A week in pain and Paula could sense the stupidity of her action. She wanted him but could not give herself. This period of pain led to some questions in Martinez’s otherwise settled life. He wanted to know why he could not stop his tears if she was just a friend. He wanted to know what made him change so much for her that she had now become a part of him. The seven day gap made him understand that she was more than a friend for him. She was the one whom he wanted for life. A sense of deep loss gave birth to a new meaning for him. Martinez recognized and accepted his emotion whereas Paula’s past made her deny her own feelings. Her need to protect herself was higher than ever but she also knew that he was a person who understood her like no one else did. The period of conflict ended with Paula’s message apologizing to Martinez for the fight. Martinez was looking for signs from her to know whether she felt like her. He was experiencing this intense need to have someone in his life for the first time ever and hence was analyzing himself too. Things did return to talking terms but the sharing from Paula’s end reduced. Martinez was ready to give himself some more time.

Couple of weeks later, Martinez was faced with an emergency to express his love for her when she declared that she was going to meet a prospective groom. Martinez offered to drop her at the venue. He gathered all the courage he had and asked Paula if she would be his life partner. Paula could not believe what she was hearing and treated the situation with a sense of disgust. She refused to talk to him ever and snatched away her precious friendship from underneath his heart. Martinez was afraid of this outcome but chose to have faith in the equation they shared. In his mind, he could never imagine that Paula could ever crucify their friendship for his benign expression. For, it all began with friendship and being aware of his maturity she would trust in him to be his confidante if not her love.

Unfortunately, Martinez could not get her friend back and now wonders whether his simple expression of love was such a big blunder to have had cost him a friend. He is waiting for her to come back not as anything else but just as his dear friend without whom he now feels incomplete. He seeks an answer to a question which says “ if two people trust each other , how can one moment be so powerful to destroy the faith they had built in each other..”

Martinez has learnt it a tough way that it takes some hardwork to see the person as himself and not just through the lens of the relationship shared with him or her. Strength in one’s own self may also be needed to value a fellow equally well.

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